As we adjust to the Fall season and all of the joys that come along with cooler weather, leaves changing color and cozying up in our favorite sweater, I find there is another common feeling during this season. So, I wanted to reshare last year's Halloween post, which still resonates. ~~ Lately, I've gotten a lot of requests for my services as a Life/Retirement/Transition Coach. This time, I immediately thought the answer was group coaching. Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note. Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them: I asked each in turn “What is going on?” and here are their answers: I gave her a questioning look. “I was on my broom and one of my earbuds fell out. I had to look down to retrieve it - and SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree. I heard people laughing! Why didn’t my radar warn me about the tree? Am I getting too old? Should I retire?” Cornelia: She spoke softly and made eye contact with each member of the group. “Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.” She teared up. “At least I WAS easy to eat. I’m the most fun to eat by the handful! And, I mean, really, while we stay vigilant about the spread of Covid-19, people don’t want to eat anything by the handful!” She started to sob. “I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?” Casper was next. Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'" He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded. “That’s right; I’m a non-conformist. I’d rather make friends than scare people. I know I’m different from the rest of the haunt team, but it is who I am. I like people; I’ve made friends before. I don’t like scaring them.” Wanda started to snicker. “Whoever heard of a friendly ghost?” she muttered. I had to shhh! her. “And since COVID-19,” Casper continued. “People don't get to see their regular friends as much, so you can bet no one wants to talk to a friendly ghost! What should I do? I have a lot of years ahead of me!” Then it was Terry’s turn. Terry: “Ha – you think you guys have issues? You think you don’t know what to do ‘next’? When I was a little tiny tarantula, my Mama told me I was cute. Then I left the nest, and it all ended.” He looked around, daring people to challenge him. “I remember the first time I became aware of Halloween! Look around, guys! Do you notice how many phony spiders people put out – on the lawn/on the bushes/crawling up the front of the house! THEY ARE ALL TARANTULAS! What do you think this does to my self-image?” Everyone got quiet. “I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?” Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered. I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.” Peter: “Well, in comparison, maybe my problem is not so bad. I mean, let’s face it, the pumpkin is the symbol for both Fall and Halloween." “I know, I’ve been pretty lucky over the years - always the one up front – inside and outside – enjoying the popularity and fun. His voice softened. “But then, enter plastic and inflatables. Enter strange colors and shapes. How can I keep up with those inexpensive, use year-to-year decorations? Even on the flavor side – so many cheaper, easy-to-use imitations! In chips/pancake mix/coffee – even donuts! People are pumpkin crazy, but they are not using the real thing!” He looked up at me and sighed. “There used to be pumpkin carving parties. Now no one is gathering groups together to sit close and carve. I may be able to hold out for a few more years, but I need a plan, a new direction. Should I retire?” I let the air settle for a few minutes. Group sessions are not easy. A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse. I decided there was only one answer and it applied to the whole group. Ask yourself important questions like Before I left the room, I looked around and smiled. “Of course, If you want to talk more about planning for the days and years ahead, give me a call!”
As the door shut, I heard Casper shout: “That was amazing! Ok, everybody, MASKS ON – Let’s have a Group Hug!” ~ HAPPY HALLOWEEN ~ -Loretta
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The reason I’m offering you a small crossword puzzle this month is that the tag line for my website at www.coachingwithloretta.com is: "Life’s a puzzle and sometimes you just need |
Across 2. What you will need to get you up every morning. 4. It’s not just about the money. 5. Seeing the glass half full shows you are full of this. 6. Make new ones and keep the old. | Down 1. When you have this, you have everything. 2. This puts you on your path to success. 3. Asking what? Who? Why? - Describes this important trait. |
P.S. This column was originally written for The Observer, but I have created a PDF version of the crossword puzzle that you can print out. You can download it here.
There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is no required length. You can jot down, draw pictures, create paragraphs, poems, or even lyrics reflecting your thoughts and feelings. (Think Taylor Swift!) The only strong suggestion is that research has shown writing daily (or almost every day) offers much greater results.
For the purpose of any life transition – and especially relating to retirement -journaling is extremely beneficial because it:
- can help you set and accomplish goals.
- is a place to express gratitude.
- puts you in the present instead of the past.
- allows you to express your true thoughts and feelings.
By the way, no one else reads it. It’s yours to keep and reread if you like or to simply embrace the time as private minutes between you and your thoughts and feelings.
Happy Journaling!
Across 2. purpose 4. retirement 5. positivity 6. friends | Down 1. health 2. plan 3. curious |
I certainly found it in a recent article on Retirement that I came across in Forbes Magazine. The author, Joseph Coughlin, a well-known researcher, teacher, and head of the MIT Age Lab, talked about “The New Math of Retirement Togetherness.”
[No, this is not an SAT Math question.]
At this point Coughlin went on to narrow things down stating that life routines of home/child/personal responsibilities, etc., result in the fact that the reality is that a typical working couple may often spend only six (6) hours a day together! Quite a surprise when we do the math, right? (see box below)
AN EXTRA 10 WAKING HOURS A DAY
FOR A RETIRED COUPLE
TO SPEND TOGETHER!
These are situations that you and your significant other must consider as retirement comes closer. What if your list of ‘things to do’ doesn’t match that of your partner’s? In fact, do you really want everything on your list to match that of your partner?
I ran into a neighbor and his wife recently. He is an executive who is looking forward to leaving the deadlines and fundraising behind. I asked him how he plans to spend his time, and his wife immediately answered, “He’s going to paint the family room, clean out the garden, and join the choir so we can sing together on Sundays!” I looked at him and he rolled his eyes and said, “Do I have a choice?” The answer is “Yes, you do have a choice.” Discuss it now so you both can enjoy the added time together later.
Loretta
[email protected]
P.S. Last night, before he turned out the light, my husband whispered:
‘A’ squared plus ‘B’ squared = ‘C’ squared!
Sometimes all that’s needed is a little information, right? So, here’s some!
DID YOU KNOW THAT...
Please don’t be a ‘used to be!’ Thinking about who you are NOW and what you want will help you create the things you will be retiring TO.
And, by the way, a Harvard Grant Study has shown that not only did having a strong social connection in retirement help people outlive those who didn’t, but also aided in delaying the onset of Alzheimer’s and dementia!
AND BY THE WAY… one more
Research has shown that when goals are written down, it reminds you of what they are and what you need to do to achieve them! Then put the list in a place where you can easily find it and check your progress.
(Paul Simon Had the Right Idea!)
“JUST MAKE A PLAN, STAN!”
YOU DON’T NEED TO BE COY, ROY.
When you become your own GPS, you will feel much more confident, knowing when and where to spend your time. You’ll do things like committing to your fitness routine and researching some of those ideas and activities that have caught your attention. So,
DON’T SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK
In addition, knowing how you envision your retirement years will help avoid uncomfortable discussions later. Your partner and/or adult kids will hear and respect your thoughts and needs. (Like No, I’m not taking over all the babysitting responsibilities or Ok, I’ll try pickleball but just remember my guitar lessons are Tuesday at 11:00!) Now, make sure you
DON’T SIT STILL, JILL!
Like leaving a lover, leaving full-time work requires planning. There may be more than 50 ways to do it, and with a little effort you will find yours. Then, at your retirement party you can
JUST EAT YOUR CAKE, JAKE & JILL
Loretta
[email protected]
P.S. By the way, remember that the written plan for retirement can easily be changed if you have some new ideas. Your GPS will just recalculate!
(Author’s note: Sorry, but by the time you read this all slots will have been filled.)
I’m guessing you are familiar with the success of the two previous shows, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Well, this version’s contestants are all over 60, and the handsome bachelor making his choice stands by the tagline “It’s never too late to fall in love…, again!”
Maybe you don’t want to publicly be the next GOLDEN BACHELOR or BACHELORETTE, but I’m sure you want the life ahead to be full of connection, meaningful relationships, and the possibility of falling in love … again!
You want that spark that can re-ignite those endless possibilities!
What you really need is a good look at who you are now.
Step One*: Focus on being a positive and optimistic person.
2. You can direct this intentional activity to surrounding yourself with positive people. Recognize the people in your life that bring you down and become unavailable to them. If some are family, make a point of consciously avoiding large amounts of time together.
3. I’m giving you five things to do daily for 30 days that will help you train yourself to Make Happy a Habit!
- Upon waking every morning say out loud three things you are grateful for.
- At bedtime every night, write about a positive experience that occurred in the past 24 hours (one sentence or many about anything positive that occurred.)
- Exercise 20 minutes a day (can be done in two 10 - minute intervals, if necessary)
- Meditate five to seven minutes a day, either with an app (I like HEADSPACE) or just by listening to wordless music.
- Perform a daily random act of kindness. (let someone in front of you in traffic; say something nice to a cashier, etc.)
Loretta
[email protected]
*By the way, Steps Two, Three, and Four are "Repeat Step One."
FYI |
Today I’m writing this column while traveling abroad, and I dedicate it to all of you who are saying,
"One of the main things I plan to do
when I retire is TRAVEL."
We all know that Covid caused people to stay home and be cautious. Now the travel light has turned green, postponed trips are back on the books, and everyone is out searching for a new four-wheeled suitcase!
(NOTE: Since most of us would rather not check our new four-wheeled suitcase, please read my list of reminders that follows first while packing, then while practicing pulling your packed case around the house, and finally while picking it up and pretending to squish it into the overhead bin.
Here are four reasons to focus on your fitness
before your dream of retirement travel:
And one more…
BON VOYAGE!
*In Greek mythology Zeus punished Sisyphus by forcing him to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity.
P.S. I’d love to hear your travel stories and how glad you were to have physically prepared for the challenges and the fun.
Tell me: [email protected]
RELATIONSHIPS, COLLEGE, MARRIAGE, PARENTING, EMPTY NESTERS, CHANGING JOBS, RETIREMENT!
- Change refers to the need to move away from the way things used to be to the way they are now.
- Transition is the psychological process we go through to adapt to the change.
To quote the author William Bridges, “Without transition, change is just a rearrangement of the furniture.”
There are three stages to TRANSITION:
Ok, so you have left work. You must accept the fact that your days will be different. You will no longer have the structure, calendar and organization you had before. Where you spend your day, and who you will be with will change.
Yes, you read that correctly. Accepting a Messy Middle is an important mindset to
have. Realizing that things really are different and that it will take time to figure out what you really want and how you will find your purpose to feel satisfied can be a bit uncomfortable (and messy) in the short term.
Take a victory lap! You have figured it out, so find comfort in this new beginning. You also can relax because you realize that you can tweak it along the way as you experience the many new adventures you have been curious about.
I leave you with the words of Dr. Seuss:
Loretta
Episode 7 of Resources for a Modern Retirement is about the importance of physical fitness in retirement, of course, and at all times in life.
About our Episode Guest
Mary Cady Bolin |
It's hard to make it a priority with the busy lives we live but five simple daily activities can help you establish happy habits. Self-care can start to be something that you prioritize in your life. And now, more than ever, self-care and finding your way to happiness is important for your health and well-being and for those around you.
There is real science behind the emotions of happiness and love. Dr. Barbara Frederickson, Psychologist and Neuroscience Professor at UNC, Chapel Hill said, “The ways that we feel happiness and well-being are actually showing up in the cells of our immune system and supporting our health.”
The Make Happy a Habit challenge is one of my favorites. I did it in 2016 and 2021 and shared every step along the way. If you joined me in the past, I hope you found some inspiration from my journey for your own. If you're starting the journey now, be sure to tell me when you start feeling like HAPPY is becoming a habit.
I'll be posting my interview soon on my social networks below. Stay tuned!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/makehappyahabit/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/makehappyahabit
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
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