 Last week my phone rang showing a number I did not recognize. I answered it anyway because you know, sometimes you just do. The conversation went something like this:  Me: Hello? A Voice said: Hello! A couple of years ago you helped my friend The Elf on the Shelf spread his message on social media, so I’m calling hoping you can give ME a little help. Me: Uh, who is this? Voice: I’m Moshe, THE MENSCH ON A BENCH. Like Elf, I try to remind Jewish people - actually all people - to be thoughtful, kind, and considerate.  The Mensch: I’m hoping you will come with me to this year’s Chanukah Board Meeting! In case you don’t know, it’s when THE JEWISH BIG FOUR meet to find ways to make sure Chanukah will be meaningful, joyous, and fun. They are always trying hard to be heard above the jingle bells and songs about Rudolph! (I was intrigued – How does he know Elf? Who are the BIG FOUR? And back then did I actually agree to help spread the word?) Me: Go on. Mr. M: This is my first year, and I have a really good suggestion. Come with me and you can put it in your blog about the importance of being a Mensch!  And that’s how I ended up at |
I’m Sharon Shamis, the lead candle, The Head of the Festival of Light |
|
She looked to her left and nodded to the blue guy:
Hello - I’m David Dreidel, the playful one, he said. |
|
He was twisting and turning and suddenly, he dropped. Then he looked up and smiled. Ha! he laughed; I just landed on GIMMEL!
Sharon nodded to the next member:
Sharon nodded to the next member:
How do you do … board members and guests, Because I have nine branches for the Chanukah candles, my real name is Hannah Hanukieh. Then she smiled shyly, and added, but I also answer to the name ‘Menorah! |
|
Then Sharon motioned to the last one …,
Hi! I’m Leo Latke - Sometimes known as “Leo ‘the grate’!” Get it? – Grate - as in potato! Everybody likes me - whether with apple sauce or sour cream! And no worries, I’ll bring the refreshments next time! |
|
Sharon opened the meeting by reviewing the last year’s discussion regarding the proper spelling of the word ‘Chanukah’- whether with a C or an H and if there are double k’s. She announced it was decided that it makes no difference how you spell the name of the holiday as long as it brings people together to celebrate!
Then she continued: “Today’s topic, presented by The Mensch on a Bench,” is
Then she continued: “Today’s topic, presented by The Mensch on a Bench,” is
“Why should Jewish kids
get a present every night of Chanukah?”
And so, Moshe began:
Thank you for this opportunity. We all know non-Jewish kids get lots of gifts this time of year. So, it’s only natural that Jewish families are thinking: ‘Let’s keep our kids happy – we’ve got eight nights, give them eight gifts!’
Even though the group looked at him suspiciously, he continued:
I think that Hanukah presents should be a HOLIDAY REWARD FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR, and I’ll tell you why. Lately, instead of sitting in houses, this Mensch on a Bench ventured out. That’s how I’ve realized people just aren’t behaving.
- I sat on a BENCH in the park. There big kids were pushing little ones out of their way on the slide. The adults just stood around talking.
- On the BENCH at the bus stop, parents who came to pick up their kids shouted at the bus driver because he didn’t always stop close enough to the curb.
- And from the BENCH at the baseball game…? Oy! Parents and coaches kept yelling at each other. The kids started yelling, too
He paused and smiled at me:
So, here’s what I propose:
EVERY night, after the Hanukah candles are lit, parents say:
Now that the candles are shining bright,
let’s each have a turn telling of a time when he or she
was considerate and did something nice for others.’
“ACT LIKE A MENSCH – you get a gift!”
EVERY night, after the Hanukah candles are lit, parents say:
Now that the candles are shining bright,
let’s each have a turn telling of a time when he or she
was considerate and did something nice for others.’
“ACT LIKE A MENSCH – you get a gift!”
Then he sat down.
At first everyone was quiet. Then David Driedel started spinning. That was amazing, he said. I completely agree with The Mensch. Even Hannah was impressed. So sensible! she said. Thank YOU, Moshe
| A vote was called. All agreed to include the suggestion on the candle boxes next year! Sharon Shamis banged the gavel to end the gathering. I was glad I had come. It was an honor to meet the BIG FOUR, and so I’m happily spreading Moshe’s message: |  |
BE A MENSCH –
teach it, live it, insist on it –
especially at Chanukah
| I do have to admit one thing, though… I was a little disappointed Leo didn’t get to serve latkes – Apple Sauce, please. |  |
HAPPY CHANUKAH!
Loretta
*Mensch: (Yiddish) a person of integrity and dignity, with a sense of what is right and responsible.
*Mensch: (Yiddish) a person of integrity and dignity, with a sense of what is right and responsible.
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Today, Let's Talk About Tee Shirts
Let's talk tee shirts. Do you have any tee shirts with messages or quotes on them? By the way, I’m not talking about those that show off your taste in designers, styles, concerts, or sports’ teams. I’m talking about the ones with inspirational quotes or sayings that caught your eye and that you just had to buy.
Maybe the reason you wanted the shirt was because you thought it was ‘pretty’ or ‘cute and funny,’ or perhaps you really wanted to communicate the message.
Maybe the reason you wanted the shirt was because you thought it was ‘pretty’ or ‘cute and funny,’ or perhaps you really wanted to communicate the message.
I have a few tees that I bought because I liked the message and felt that they contained ‘words of wisdom’ that we could all use and even benefit from. In fact, I hoped they would be noticed because they could be good ‘conversation starters!’
Here are three of my 'message' tee shirts for you:
1. "Where focus goes, energy flows."
Think about that for a while. Research shows that the stories we tell ourselves reflect how we act. But we must remember that Our brains and our emotions are strongly connected. Let’s say you are walking into a social situation – a new friend is having a party. You don’t know her friends, and you are wondering if there will be anyone there for you to talk with.
When you walk in do you think:
And then, when you get home, you wonder why you did not have a good time!
In his 2009 book, The Big Leap, psychologist Gay Hendricks presents an interesting theory about why we self-sabotage. He says that many people have an upper-limit mindset to the amount of positivity and success that can be tolerated. According to Professor Hendricks, when this limit is reached a person must sabotage themselves to return to a sense of normalcy. A limit to positivity and success? Yikes!
When you walk in do you think:
- "I’ll just stop by for a minute and then leave."
- "Who are these people? No one will talk to me!"
- "OMG – I should have worn the green dress. Why did I choose these shoes? What was I thinking?"
And then, when you get home, you wonder why you did not have a good time!
In his 2009 book, The Big Leap, psychologist Gay Hendricks presents an interesting theory about why we self-sabotage. He says that many people have an upper-limit mindset to the amount of positivity and success that can be tolerated. According to Professor Hendricks, when this limit is reached a person must sabotage themselves to return to a sense of normalcy. A limit to positivity and success? Yikes!
REMINDER #1: STOP SELF-SABOTAGE! CHANGE YOUR FOCUS AND ALLOW A POSITIVE MINDSET TO BRING SUCCESS!
2. "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."
This is one of my favorites!
When my kids were young, I led a school team for a competition titled, “Odyssey of the Mind,” based on challenges for creative thoughts and ideas. To this day I love it when clients think ‘out of the box,’ allowing their imagination to soar. Check out my blog titled, “What is It?”
When my kids were young, I led a school team for a competition titled, “Odyssey of the Mind,” based on challenges for creative thoughts and ideas. To this day I love it when clients think ‘out of the box,’ allowing their imagination to soar. Check out my blog titled, “What is It?”
When people allow themselves to broaden their choices, they become more creative and more interesting. You don't have to follow the crowd. Go ahead, give yourself permission! You'll find new ways and create new paths to achieve your goals.
Indeed, Robert Frost said it best,
Indeed, Robert Frost said it best,
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.
Steve Jobs and Elon Musk did. They had a dream, not really knowing where it would lead them. In fact, along this untrodden path there were stumbles and almost-ruination (you can look it up). But they did not give up.
REMINDER #2: BE BRAVE! CREATE A NEW PATH, AND
YOU BE THE ONE TO LEAVE THE TRAIL.
Remember the ad Steve jobs created in the late 90’s for Apple called Think Different:
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The rebels. The misfits.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world – are the ones who do.”
Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world – are the ones who do.”
And finally,
3. "But first let me overreact."
Did your eyebrows just go up? Did you immediately react to this image? Exactly.
Maybe you were trying to understand what it means. Maybe it made you mad to see another ridiculous example of words on a tee shirt. Or maybe you wondered why anyone would buy such a shirt - much less wear it. So, you simply dismissed it
and just continued reading.
But because this is a tee shirt image in a blog, your dismissal is less noticeable than a real confrontation. In a conversation when we are faced with someone or something we don't agree with, our first reaction is often to overreact. This message is a simple reminder to take a few moments to think about what was said - or what you just saw - before you react.
Of course, you have the right to disagree, comment, or even challenge in the situation. But how often do you wish you had simply taken a little extra time to think over your response? This does not imply a change of feelings, although sometimes it might.
Think about how many friendships and relationships could be saved by following this simple advice.
During the pause, simply count to 10 (to yourself) as you consider how you can say what you want to say. This diffuses the impulse to REACT (and sometimes OVERREACT), and you can then offer your calmer RESPONSE.
Maybe you were trying to understand what it means. Maybe it made you mad to see another ridiculous example of words on a tee shirt. Or maybe you wondered why anyone would buy such a shirt - much less wear it. So, you simply dismissed it
and just continued reading.
But because this is a tee shirt image in a blog, your dismissal is less noticeable than a real confrontation. In a conversation when we are faced with someone or something we don't agree with, our first reaction is often to overreact. This message is a simple reminder to take a few moments to think about what was said - or what you just saw - before you react.
Of course, you have the right to disagree, comment, or even challenge in the situation. But how often do you wish you had simply taken a little extra time to think over your response? This does not imply a change of feelings, although sometimes it might.
Think about how many friendships and relationships could be saved by following this simple advice.
During the pause, simply count to 10 (to yourself) as you consider how you can say what you want to say. This diffuses the impulse to REACT (and sometimes OVERREACT), and you can then offer your calmer RESPONSE.
REMINDER #3: WHATEVER THE SITUATION, REMEMBER TO PAUSE, THINK FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN RESPOND!
Now, let me know which tee shirt words or sayings have inspired you. Please don’t send ones that are cutesie or insulting. Instead, tell me what made you buy the shirt and want to spread the message. Send me pictures of the ones you think would make good 'conversation starters.'
I shared mine:
CHANGE YOUR FOCUS
CHOOSE THE PATH NOT FOLLOWED
FIRST PAUSE, THEN RESPOND
CHOOSE THE PATH NOT FOLLOWED
FIRST PAUSE, THEN RESPOND
Happy August!
Loretta
Loretta
Are you getting your family involved in the MAKE HAPPY A HABIT campaign? Start now and enjoy facing the challenge together, supporting each other, and sharing the good feelings that are guaranteed.
If you’ve been hesitating to start your 30 days, let me remind you that as a parent, you are a role model. Whenever you are with your kids, they are watching and often copying everything you do.
So… set an example, and start practicing every day to Make Happy A Habit. You’ll really enjoy it when you find yourself surrounded by people who are more positive, more optimistic and a lot more resilient.
If you’ve been hesitating to start your 30 days, let me remind you that as a parent, you are a role model. Whenever you are with your kids, they are watching and often copying everything you do.
So… set an example, and start practicing every day to Make Happy A Habit. You’ll really enjoy it when you find yourself surrounded by people who are more positive, more optimistic and a lot more resilient.
Here are the Five Simple Tasks to Do Every Day and How to Include Your Kids in the Process:
SAY (OUT LOUD) THREE THINGS FOR WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL
Do this in the morning when everyone wakes up, over breakfast, or when you take the kids to school. It puts all involved in a good mindset to face the day.
WRITE DOWN ONE GOOD THING THAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS
This is especially good to do before going to sleep. It helps to have them think positive thoughts as they say good night.
It is important to WRITE down the thoughts. Have the younger kids tell you about it so you can help them write simple words and even draw a picture. For the older ones, they can write just one sentence or and entire paragraph.
Do this in the morning when everyone wakes up, over breakfast, or when you take the kids to school. It puts all involved in a good mindset to face the day.
WRITE DOWN ONE GOOD THING THAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS
This is especially good to do before going to sleep. It helps to have them think positive thoughts as they say good night.
It is important to WRITE down the thoughts. Have the younger kids tell you about it so you can help them write simple words and even draw a picture. For the older ones, they can write just one sentence or and entire paragraph.
EXERCISE 20 MINUTES A DAY
You can best plan how this fits into your family’s day. Many kids will have a time on the playground or during PE at school. If at home, whoever is in charge should make exercise happen. If it’s raining, dance or do cheers in the family room.
For you parents who are ‘too busy’ at work, you can divide it up into two 10-minute sessions. Walk up and down the stairs or jog around the parking lot at lunchtime. Be sure to tell the kids when you get home.
MEDITATE AT LEAST 5 MINUTES A DAY
Here is your ticket to relaxation and focus. Turn off your electronics, and turn on some wordless music. Focus on your breathing or the music. Or simply do a body scan.
For very young kids you can merely sit in silence. Many experts recommend one minute of silence per year of age (up to 8) for kids. Just make time for quiet time.
(You’re welcome…)
PERFORM A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS
Simply be kind. Encourage the kids to help a neighbor, hold a door for someone, or even share their cookies. This kindness is especially satisfying because being considerate towards others inspires them to be kind to someone else.
See – not too hard! Get your family involved, be a role model, and Make Happy a Habit!
Loretta
You can best plan how this fits into your family’s day. Many kids will have a time on the playground or during PE at school. If at home, whoever is in charge should make exercise happen. If it’s raining, dance or do cheers in the family room.
For you parents who are ‘too busy’ at work, you can divide it up into two 10-minute sessions. Walk up and down the stairs or jog around the parking lot at lunchtime. Be sure to tell the kids when you get home.
MEDITATE AT LEAST 5 MINUTES A DAY
Here is your ticket to relaxation and focus. Turn off your electronics, and turn on some wordless music. Focus on your breathing or the music. Or simply do a body scan.
For very young kids you can merely sit in silence. Many experts recommend one minute of silence per year of age (up to 8) for kids. Just make time for quiet time.
(You’re welcome…)
PERFORM A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS
Simply be kind. Encourage the kids to help a neighbor, hold a door for someone, or even share their cookies. This kindness is especially satisfying because being considerate towards others inspires them to be kind to someone else.
See – not too hard! Get your family involved, be a role model, and Make Happy a Habit!
Loretta
There was quite a buzz a couple of years ago at The Nashville Antique and Garden Show. It had to do with creative thinking!
I share it with you because these are the kinds of things you should be asking your kids.
I share it with you because these are the kinds of things you should be asking your kids.
There was a sign posted at the front of one of the booths:
“What should we do with these two wooden columns?”
They were about 6 feet tall and rather weathered. It caused a lot of conversation, and I loved it! People stopped and stared; some even walked around the columns. Then the ideas were offered:
You parents should be doing things like this around your house. Challenge your kids to think ‘out of the box,’ and turn it into a fun game.
I always keep the question of “What is it?” in mind when I’m with kids. It is great when you are waiting at the table in a restaurant, driving long distances, or when you are just out for a walk. Find something – anything – and pick it up; look at it from all sides; say out loud, “What is it?” and then you give the first answer.
Then hand it to the person next to you. Here’s an example:
You are out walking and pick up a stick. Say, “What is it?” Take time to look at it from all sides. Then give your answer… (for example) “An arrow!” and pretend to shoot it with a bow.
- “Cut them in half, and make a coffee table.”
- “Put glass shelves in between and make a bookcase.”
- “A giant could use them for barbells!” (This gets extra credit!)
- “Chop them up for kindling for a fire!”
- “Paint faces on them and make totem poles.”
You parents should be doing things like this around your house. Challenge your kids to think ‘out of the box,’ and turn it into a fun game.
I always keep the question of “What is it?” in mind when I’m with kids. It is great when you are waiting at the table in a restaurant, driving long distances, or when you are just out for a walk. Find something – anything – and pick it up; look at it from all sides; say out loud, “What is it?” and then you give the first answer.
Then hand it to the person next to you. Here’s an example:
You are out walking and pick up a stick. Say, “What is it?” Take time to look at it from all sides. Then give your answer… (for example) “An arrow!” and pretend to shoot it with a bow.
Try to always be aware of the things around you. Talk about them with your kids. And then, put them to a different use!
Then hand it to your child for his turn and pass it around to all who are there. (Yes, adults can have fun with this, too.) There are no real wrong answers – just some that are more creative.
Someone may simply say, “It’s a stick!” You can accept it but encourage broader thinking next time as you play. Soon everyone gets into it.
You take it and say, “A cane!” and pretend you walk slowly and need the help of a walking stick.
Next time, your child might say, “A sword,” and swing it around like Darth Vader!
Continue back and forth for a few minutes and watch the creative ideas flow. It’s exciting! It’s fun! And it will give you a little insight into your child’s spatial imagination.
Try to always be aware of the things around you. Talk about them with your kids. And then, put them to a different use!
What usually happens with me now is that out of nowhere my grand kids will look at me with a twinkle and a smile as they pick up something and say, “What is it?”
Someone may simply say, “It’s a stick!” You can accept it but encourage broader thinking next time as you play. Soon everyone gets into it.
You take it and say, “A cane!” and pretend you walk slowly and need the help of a walking stick.
Next time, your child might say, “A sword,” and swing it around like Darth Vader!
Continue back and forth for a few minutes and watch the creative ideas flow. It’s exciting! It’s fun! And it will give you a little insight into your child’s spatial imagination.
Try to always be aware of the things around you. Talk about them with your kids. And then, put them to a different use!
What usually happens with me now is that out of nowhere my grand kids will look at me with a twinkle and a smile as they pick up something and say, “What is it?”
It's easy and it's fun - and it doesn't cost anything! Enjoy your creative thinking and watch your kids' eyes shine! Send me some stories about the creative ideas that popped up.
~Loretta~
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
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