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Have You Been Paying Attention?

7/5/2024

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The reason I’m offering you a small crossword puzzle this month is that
 the tag line for my website at www.coachingwithloretta.com is:

"Life’s a puzzle and sometimes you just need
 a little help putting the pieces together."

 This crossword will help you find the path to a successful transition in retirement!
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Across                                                        
2. What you will need to get you up every morning.  
4. It’s not just about the money.
5. Seeing the glass half full shows you are full of this.
6. Make new ones and keep the old.
Down
1. When you have this, you have everything.
2. This puts you on your path to success.
3. Asking what? Who? Why? - Describes this important trait.
So, grab a pen and get to work! If you have been paying attention to my columns, you will find the puzzle easy and full of the secrets to a successful transition. If you haven’t, you can just make some good guesses for the seven hints. Good luck! (Don’t worry – the answers are at the bottom.)

P.S. This column was originally written for The Observer, but I have created a PDF version of the crossword puzzle that you can print out. You can download it here.
Download Crossword Puzzle
Meanwhile, as long as you have your pens handy, let’s talk about journaling. Journaling simply means keeping a record of your personal thoughts, feelings and insights. It is different from a diary in that a diary is used to record daily activities.
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Don’t go into “but I’m not a good writer,” or “I just don’t enjoy writing.” Those are answers for a class or a test or an evaluation. This is a relationship between you and yourself.
Journaling has been shown to calm anxiety, reduce stress, enhance memory and help with prioritizing concerns. It is inexpensive - requiring no Lululemon outfit or Nike shoes - and it can be accomplished anywhere.
 
There is no right or wrong way to do it. There is no required length. You can jot down, draw pictures, create paragraphs, poems, or even lyrics reflecting your thoughts and feelings. (Think Taylor Swift!) The only strong suggestion is that research has shown writing daily (or almost every day) offers much greater results.

For the purpose of any life transition – and especially relating to retirement -journaling is extremely beneficial because it:

  • can help you set and accomplish goals.
  • is a place to express gratitude.
  • puts you in the present instead of the past.
  • allows you to express your true thoughts and feelings.
Find a notebook, choose a quiet secluded place, and begin journaling. Many people like to write in the morning when they first wake up. But you do you. Once you start, you will find the where and when that are just right.
 
By the way, no one else reads it. It’s yours to keep and reread if you like or to simply embrace the time as private minutes between you and your thoughts and feelings.

Happy Journaling!
Now, let’s check out the answers for that crossword. By the way, I may have given her the words and hints, but that beautiful crossword grid was created by my nine-year old granddaughter, Zoe Saff Sager. Thanks, Zoe!
Across
2. purpose
4. retirement
5. positivity
6. friends

Down
1. health
2. plan
​3. curious
Loretta
[email protected]
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IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FALL IN LOVE…, AGAIN!

11/7/2023

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When I started writing this month’s column, an ad for a new TV show caught my eye.

It was an announcement that the casting website was still open for the new show, THE GOLDEN BACHELOR!

(Author’s note: Sorry, but by the time you read this all slots will have been filled.)
 
I’m guessing you are familiar with the success of the two previous shows, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Well, this version’s contestants are all over 60, and the handsome bachelor making his choice stands by the tagline “It’s never too late to fall in love…, again!”      
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Instead of hearing older people referred to as ​a has been, a curmudgeon, cranky, elderly, and an old geezer, what a pleasure it is to hear this new description as “a lifetime of experience, including love, loss and laughter, and still hoping for a spark that ignites a future full of endless possibilities!”
 
Maybe you don’t want to publicly be the next GOLDEN BACHELOR or BACHELORETTE, but I’m sure you want the life ahead to be full of connection, meaningful relationships, and the possibility of falling in love … again!

You want that spark that can re-ignite those endless possibilities!

(By the way, this applies to current relationships as well as those that may occur in the future. Have you been married 30+ years and are feeling your partnership needs a boost? Maybe you are single and have realized that for years you put work first and took those around you for granted. You want to change. You want that spark that can re-ignite those endless possibilities!)
Did I just hear you say, “But how do I do that?” Well, you don’t have to wear red stilettos and a low-cut dress, nor do you require sporting a gold tailored suit and pink shirt by Armani (although sometimes a wardrobe makeover could be a great idea). 

What you really need is a good look at who you are now. 

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What do you have to offer? Gerry (that’s the guy in the ad) hosts barbecues, plays pickleball, dotes on his grandkids and likes exploring new places with friends. You don’t have to do all that, but how about asking yourself if you are interesting, kind, and fun to be with? 
​Whether you think you already are or if you need a refresher course in being interesting, kind, and fun to be with, here’s what I suggest – especially during retirement: 

Step One*: Focus on being a positive and optimistic person.

If you consider yourself negative, stop it. Yes, you can retrain your brain, so make it a priority in your life because:
1. Research has shown that 50% of your personality is predetermined, 10% is random, and 40% is your intentional activity. That means you are in control!

2. You can direct this intentional activity to surrounding yourself with positive people. Recognize the people in your life that bring you down and become unavailable to them. If some are family, make a point of consciously avoiding large amounts of time together.

​3. I’m giving you five things to do daily for 30 days that will help you train yourself to Make Happy a Habit!
  1. Upon waking every morning say out loud three things you are grateful for.
  2. At bedtime every night, write about a positive experience that occurred in the past 24 hours (one sentence or many about anything positive that occurred.)
  3. Exercise 20 minutes a day (can be done in two 10 - minute intervals, if necessary)
  4. Meditate five to seven minutes a day, either with an app (I like HEADSPACE) or just by listening to wordless music.
  5. Perform a daily random act of kindness. (let someone in front of you in traffic; say something nice to a cashier, etc.)
Why is this topic important in a column about retirement? Because in retirement you’ll have more time to spend; you’ll want to be involved in a lot of different fun and rewarding activities. And simply put, people like to be around positive people.
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Start practicing your Make Happy a Habit assignment now and enjoy noticing the effect you will have on others. Stick with it because it takes 30 days to make a habit.
Yes, it works. If you need some help discovering the road to your own happiness, contact me and we can talk.
​
Loretta
[email protected]

*By the way, Steps Two, Three, and Four are "Repeat Step One."
~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
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A Vocabulary Lesson

6/1/2023

2 Comments

 
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I’ve always said that in life one thing we can surely count on is change. Sometimes we can plan for it and sometimes it is thrust upon us. Sometimes we’ve grown older and wiser, and sometimes we’ve simply become bored. Consider:

RELATIONSHIPS, COLLEGE, MARRIAGE, PARENTING, EMPTY NESTERS, CHANGING JOBS, RETIREMENT!

​When facing a change, we often say, “Well, it’s a transition. Change offers challenges, adventure, and an opportunity to grow.” All that is true, but the words ‘change’ and ‘transition’ have two different meanings. Here’s the difference:
  • Change refers to the need to move away from the way things used to be to the way they are now.
  • Transition is the psychological process we go through to adapt to the change.
To quote the author William Bridges, “Without transition, change is just a rearrangement of the furniture.”
​Think about that for a moment. Now, think about how it relates to Retirement. Transition requires a psychological process to have a successful change.

There are three stages to TRANSITION:

Stage 1: Accepting the Ending – Long Goodbye
​
Ok, so you have left work. You must accept the fact that your days will be different. You will no longer have the structure, calendar and organization you had before. Where you spend your day, and who you will be with will change.  
Stage 2: Living in the Neutral Zone – Messy Middle
​
Yes, you read that correctly. Accepting a Messy Middle is an important mindset to
​have. Realizing that things really are different and that it will take time to figure out what you really want and how you will find your purpose to feel satisfied can be a bit uncomfortable (and messy) in the short term.
​Stage 3: Reaching Your New Beginning
​
Take a victory lap! You have figured it out, so find comfort in this new beginning. You also can relax because you realize that you can tweak it along the way as you experience the many new adventures you have been curious about. 
Those are the facts. If you jump from Stage 1 directly to Stage 3, you may find yourself very unhappy. Spend some time in Stage 2 (the Messy Middle) so you can really enjoy that victory lap!  

I leave you with the words of Dr. Seuss:

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​Let me know if you need a little help.

Loretta
~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
2 Comments

5 Simple Daily Activities to Make Happy a Habit

3/20/2023

1 Comment

 
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I did a 30-day Make Happy a Habit challenge back in 2016 and 2021 and now I get the chance to share it with the viewers of WKRN's Local on 2 with Larissa and Laura.

It's hard to make it a priority with the busy lives we live but five simple daily activities can help you establish happy habits. Self-care can start to be something that you prioritize in your life. And now, more than ever, self-care and finding your way to happiness is important for your health and well-being and for those around you.

There is real science behind the emotions of happiness and love. Dr. Barbara Frederickson, Psychologist and Neuroscience Professor at UNC, Chapel Hill said, “The ways that we feel happiness and well-being are actually showing up in the cells of our immune system and supporting our health.”

The Make Happy a Habit challenge is one of my favorites. I did it in 2016 and 2021 and shared every step along the way. If you joined me in the past, I hope you found some inspiration from my journey for your own. If you're starting the journey now, be sure to tell me when you start feeling like HAPPY is becoming a habit.

I'll be posting my interview soon on my social networks below. Stay tuned!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/makehappyahabit/​
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/makehappyahabit​
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/​
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/​
Loretta
1 Comment

LET’S PLAY “GUESS WHAT?”

3/7/2023

1 Comment

 
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1. GUESS WHAT Number ... "Retirement" is on the list of 'Life's 43 most stressful life events'.

It’s #10! And that’s why I say we need to talk about your plans. Some people might find the transition easy, but many retirees are truly stressed at the challenge of creating a new identity and purpose.   ​

2. GUESS WHAT … it might mean if your work defines “who you are” rather than “what you do.”

It will make leaving your workplace more difficult. Think about how you will introduce yourself when you retire, and please don’t say ‘I used to be!’ Thinking about who you are NOW and what you want NOW will help you create the things you will be retiring TO.

3. GUESS WHAT … will happen if your social connections are mostly related to your workplace.

It will probably be a lot harder to replace those connections. Finding new friends and interests before you leave your job will create a ready community of people you like to spend time with when you do retire.

​By the way, a Harvard Grant Study has shown that having a strong social connection in retirement not only helps people outlive those who don’t but also aids in delaying the onset of Alzheimer’s and dementia.

4. GUESS WHAT … sitting at a desk most of the day can cause.  

​Complicated physical issues that can interfere with your retirement plans. Get up and get moving! Those grandkids want to play hide and seek. Your condo wants you to be on the pickleball team, and the dog just brought you his leash asking for a long walk. You don’t want to miss out on any of that – do you?    

5. GUESS WHAT … believing that “the best is yet to come” can encourage.

Fresh ideas and possibilities! Having a positive mental outlook is not just being a cockeyed optimist. It helps you deal with change as well as giving you more energy for new opportunities and accomplishments. It also makes you more resilient so you can more easily handle the other ‘stuff’ that comes your way.

6. GUESS WHAT happens … when volunteering is what you want to do in retirement, but you don’t spend any time looking into it beforehand.  

You will probably waste time searching for appropriate opportunities and get stuck in roles you don’t like. Start early thinking about organizations you want to help and make some inquiries.
​
Think about what you would like to do for an organization, so you don’t get stuck making phone calls or stuffing envelopes (unless, of course, you like that!).

AND BY THE WAY… one more

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7. GUESS WHAT happens … when you WRITE DOWN goals you want to achieve.  

Whether it’s a trip to Machu Picchu or creating an online creative cooking club, you will be more likely to achieve your goal if it is WRITTEN DOWN. (You’ve probably already done it on the financial side. Now do the same for all those non-financial issues!)
​
Research has shown that when goals are written down, it reminds us of what they are and what we need to do to achieve them. Just make sure you put the list in a place where you can easily find it.
No more guessing. Having a little extra information makes you smarter. Now you have it, so get started!
 
Loretta
~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
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A SENSE OF BELONGING - It's a Basic Human Need

3/2/2022

2 Comments

 
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I recently worked with an executive who was thinking about retirement. In one of our initial sessions, I asked him about his hobbies.

“HOBBIES? HOBBIES?
​Loretta, do you really think I have time for HOBBIES?!” he ranted. 

Rather than wait for him to work out why I was asking, I quickly changed the wording. “OK,” I said. “Let’s try it this way: What are you good at and enjoy doing such that you completely lose track of time?”
This made him pause. He knew he was good at a lot of things, but it had been so long since he had done many of them that he wasn’t sure he still could. He began to realize that he had been so steeped in his work and glued to his schedule that he rarely did what he liked to do. And…, if he took time for himself, he felt selfish! ​
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Call them HOBBIES or PASSIONS or even INTERESTS, making time in your life for things you enjoy - whether you are 25 or 65 - is important.


It’s important for your emotional wellbeing; it’s important for your mental stimulation and…IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR RETIREMENT.
Retirement can be lonely. Sure, you can find yourself newly retired and then decide to ‘do what I want to do when I want to do it!’ Your search may take a little longer and be a lot more difficult than if you had started years ago, but yes, you can begin after the Retirement Party.  ​
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If, on the other hand, you have already been involved in a few activities you enjoy before you retire, you have a head start on interacting with people who share your interests. Let me remind you, the feeling of belonging is one of our basic human needs. Yes, right up there with food and shelter.
When a person stops working, that sense of belonging, of being ‘included’ or identified as part of a team/company/title can slip away. Some people feel like outsiders in their own life. That’s why it is important – starting today - to make time for the things you really enjoy doing.

If you still need more convincing to get started now, here are three reasons that are backed by science:

1 - BETTER WORK PERFORMANCE

A study in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology finds marked differences between those who engage in hobbies and those who do not. This includes a better attitude at work and more creativity on projects.

2 - IMPROVED PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH

A study of enjoyable leisure activities measured by Pittsburgh Enjoyable Activities Test (PEAT) shows “Higher PEAT scores were associated with lower blood pressure, total cortisol, waist circumference, and body mass index, and perceptions of better physical function.   

3 - REDUCED STRESS

A study by Matthew Zawadzki, a health psychologist at the University of California, shows that leisure activity can provide immediate stress relief, which has been shown to have both health and psychological benefits, like improved focus, happiness and a longer life.

…and who wouldn’t be impressed by those reasons!

So, get started. Explore how to get involved in activities you’ve put aside or always wanted to learn more about. You will make new friends (outside of work), enjoy sharing an interest, and have fun being around others who like to do what you do.  And Happy Retirement, whenever that is!    
-Loretta
P.S. In case you missed it, recently the Mars Wrigley Corporation (owner of M&Ms) made some changes you can read about here. They decided their multicolored mascots were not reaching all of society in their ads. A change was necessary “to create a world where everyone feels they belong."
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Photo from Today.com

Start planning for retirement NOW to avoid finding yourself spending your days at home in front of the TV - with a bowl of M&Ms!

2 Comments

Retiring the Big-R

6/10/2021

3 Comments

 
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My friend Emily and I were out walking last week. Suddenly she stopped short and said, “Did you hear that Bob did The Big-R?” I was puzzled. “The Big-R?”

“That which cannot be named,” she uttered in her best Harry Potter-esque voice. I smiled and leaned in closer and whispered, “Are you talking about ‘Retirement’?”

“Shhh!” she hissed. “Seriously, don’t use that word anymore. It conveys the wrong message!”  

“What in the world do you mean?” I asked. She sighed, and I felt like she was searching for a way to say something nicely. “You, of all people, should know.”

“Look,” I said, “I know there is a lot of misinterpretation about the word ‘Retirement,’ but really, … comparing it to *Voldemort?”

Emily shook her head. “Misinterpretation? People hear the Big-R word and think the person is over the hill, incapable of anything new and fresh…, and, basically, A HAS BEEN!”

My mouth dropped open. “Ok, here’s proof!” she said as she pulled out her phone and pointed to a webpage. “Just look at the definition from the fancy Oxford English Language Dictionary!”
*Retirement (Noun)
1. giving up work, stopping work
2. seclusion, retreat, solitude, loneliness,
isolation, privacy, obscurity
I could hardly believe what I was reading!
I looked in amazement as she continued. “I have no problem with definition #1 but check out #2! And, by the way, I’ve been thinking maybe you should stick with being  called a ‘Life Coach.’ If this is how people are viewing The Big-R, listing yourself first as a Retirement Coach could put people off!”

Just like a Life Coach, a Retirement Coach helps people deal with life’s transitions.

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“Oh, Em,” I said shaking my head. “Just like a Life Coach, a Retirement Coach helps people deal with life’s transitions. It’s like the change from being single and then getting married or going from being a couple to having kids. ‘The Big-R’ requires thinking about and planning for the next 20 to 30 years! A person will have more time and more choices for not just how to fill the day but also for how to feel fulfilled at the end of the day. Planning is how to avoid definition #2!” We decided to order coffee and sat down outside.

​“If it was my dictionary,” I continued, “Definition #2 would be something like, 
Retirement (Noun)
"The opportunity and time to energize lifestyle,
renew interests, and create new adventures.”
As Emily thought about it, I decided to have some fun and sound less like a coach. “Take Clark Kent, for example. He knew he was meant to use his superpowers to seek truth and justice, but he couldn’t just transition from Smallville to Metropolis without a plan to protect his identity! He got a job as a reporter at the Daily Planet and located a nearby phone booth.” She started laughing and almost choked on her coffee. But she was listening. 
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​“Since he’d already mapped out his plan, when he was needed he rushed to the phone booth, took off his shirt and glasses, and he became SUPERMAN!!”  She was wondering if I was serious, so I continued,
“Here’s another example - suppose you decide to get fit and enter a half marathon. You wouldn’t just get up that morning, put on a good pair of running shoes and join the race - hoping to get to the finish line, right?! You’d map out a training program to make sure you were prepared to succeed.”

She wiped some coffee from her chin and laughed out loud. “Ok, but what about other people’s reactions? I just saw Susan, and she was complaining that her neighbors think since she is around all the time, she can watch for their deliveries!” She paused, “And her kids think she is a full-time babysitter; they assume she’s always available.”
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Today, more than 50% of retirees are working
part-time and others are volunteering or
​busy learning something new.

I smiled and shook my head. “Stop worrying about other people! The fact is that it’s smart to approach retirement with a plan and an attitude of adventure and creativity.

Today, more than 50% of retirees are working part-time and others are volunteering or busy learning something new.  It does not have to be solitude and loneliness!    

​“So,” Emily said. “What now? It’s obvious we need to do something about that word!” I smiled. “Well, you’re right and people have made lots of suggestions. But the Big-R word has been around a long time.  Instead, I say we keep the word ‘Retirement’ and just add a tag line:
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Maybe I should print up tee shirts!

Loretta
​
*Voldemort, also known as 'The Dark Lord' in the Harry Potter series, was so evil that even his name was not to be spoken.
*Oxford Languages is the world’s leading dictionary publisher, with over 150 years of experience creating and delivering authoritative dictionaries globally in more than 50 languages.
3 Comments

TO GO? Or NOT TO GO? That is the Question!

4/19/2021

2 Comments

 
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Some are young and some are old     
Some do not do what they’re told     
But I’m tired of being home and slow     
​So how to revive my get up and go?     
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At first, I thought answers on TV would do
But wait – do I listen to channel one or two?
Before, whenever when I had an ouchie
I followed the advice of Dr. Fauci!
 
But then science changed – from yes to no
Is the light red for stop or green for go?
Southwest says, “We’re careful and make a fuss”
American says, “Get in line; fly with us!”
 
A Doc* at Penn says it’s “Anxiety-One and Two”
So, consider them both – which are you?
Anxiety One cries – “There’s Covid out there!
It lurks, then strikes! It doesn’t care!”

 
Anxiety Two? Well, check this one out:
It’s the mixing with others that makes people pout.
They say, “It’s been so long.., but it’s ok now.”
Yet when socializing – they forget how!
To better understand this Covid-era dilemma, I recently sent out a survey to find out how people feel about ‘getting out’ and searching for their New Normal. I found that basically there are 5 strategies:
  • Strategy 1: Just Suspect Everybody!! Look – she is not social distancing! Watch out! That lady has her mask below her nose! OMG – that runner just coughed in my direction. I’m going home.
  • Strategy 2: ​I Tiptoe – I’ll go to the patio (if it is big enough). I’ll go with no more than 2 friends (wait – do I still have two friends??) I’ll just Purell on the way out (Do they even have a dispenser?).
  • Strategy 3: I’m Kinda Picky – Grocery Stores… no!  unless it’s between 10:15 and 11 on M/T/W . well, Trader Joe’s is ok… since a lot that I buy is frozen or pre-packaged. Target ​…? HECK NO! (What? Oh, it’s big and lots of space, oh.. well…, maybe.)
  • Strategy 4: I’m Not Stupid!  Bigger venues? - Concerts? Movies? Are you serious? I heard they don’t even take the temperature when you walk in… The seats are too close together..,, groups walk in and just sit anywhere! NO WAY!
  • Strategy 5: Actually, IT’S ALL GOOD! – I want to go to restaurants and relax. So what if I change tables three times and open several windows! So what if I ask for a paper menu! At least I’m getting out.

What’s YOUR strategy?
​Oh, and Bon Voyage!

Loretta
​* Lily Brown, director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine
2 Comments

Make Happy a Habit in 2021

2/27/2021

0 Comments

 
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2020 was undeniably hard. Like, really really unimaginably difficult and sad and trying for so many people. A lot of folks have just been hanging on and getting through. Practicing happy habits has understandably not been at the top or even the middle of  the priority list. But finally there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. Self-care can start to be something that you prioritize in 2021. And now, more than ever, self-care and finding your way to happiness is important for your health and well-being and for those around you.

There is real science behind the emotions of happiness and love. Dr. Barbara Frederickson, Psychologist and Neuroscience Professor at UNC, Chapel Hill said, “The ways that we feel happiness and well-being are actually showing up in the cells of our immune system and supporting our health.”

I did a 30-day Make Happy a Habit challenge back in 2016 and now I'm ready for a refresher 2021-style!

I'll be starting my 2021 challenge on March 1. Follow along with my progress and hopefully you'll find some inspiration from my journey for your own. I'd love for you to join me ... Share your progress … Post some pictures of what you are grateful for and what makes you happy. I want to know how your random acts of kindness and writing about your positive experiences made you feel. Tell me about your time in meditation. And be sure to tell me when you start feeling like HAPPY is becoming a habit.

I'll be posting all month long at:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/makehappyahabit/​
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/makehappyahabit​
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/​
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/​

Hope you join me!

Loretta
​
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Choose Your Own Adventure!

1/14/2021

0 Comments

 
Remember those fun “Choose Your Own Adventure” Books?
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Now it’s your turn to “Create Your Own Adventure” - in Retirement!
Go to my website www.coachingwithloretta.com and click on the ‘Inspiration’ tab to meet Steve, a guy who has just retired. You can help him make some choices in his retirement journey – that might just help you, too. Go ahead, have some fun!
Research shows that 69% of new retirees have challenges adapting to retirement.
Create Your Own Adventure
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    Author

    Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
    As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.

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