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Well, I knew it was bound to happen. The combined stress caused by the perfect storm of Halloween and COVID -19 together has brought a lot of requests for my services as a Life/Retirement/Transition Coach. This time, I immediately thought the answer was group coaching. Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note. Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them: Wanda, the Witch Cornelia, the Candy Corn Casper, the Friendly Ghost Terry, the Tarantula Peter, the Pumpkin I asked each in turn “What is going on?” and here are their answers:
SLAM! There I was, face flat into the treeI gave her a questioning look. “I was on my broom and one of my earbuds fell out. I had to look down to retrieve it - and SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree. I heard people laughing! Why didn’t my radar warn me about the tree? Am I getting too old? Should I retire?” Cornelia: She spoke softly and made eye contact with each member of the group. “Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.” She teared up. Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire - right? “At least I WAS easy to eat. I’m the most fun to eat by the handful! And, I mean, really, with COVID-19 people don’t want to eat anything by the handful!” She started to sob. “I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?” Casper was next. Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'" He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.  “That’s right; I’m a non-conformist. I’d rather make friends than scare people. I know I’m different from the rest of the haunt team, but it is who I am. I like people; I’ve made friends before. I don’t like scaring them.” Wanda started to snicker. “Whoever heard of a friendly ghost?” she muttered. I had to shhh! her. “And now there is COVID-19,” Casper continued. “People can’t even be with their regular friends, so you can bet no one wants to talk to a friendly ghost! What should I do? I have a lot of years ahead of me!” Then it was Terry’s turn. Terry: “Ha – you think you guys have issues? You think you don’t know what to do ‘next’? When I was a little tiny tarantula, my Mama told me I was cute. Then I left the nest, and it all ended.” He looked around, daring people to challenge him.  He looked around, daring people to challenge him.“I remember the first time I became aware of Halloween! Look around, guys! Do you notice how many phony spiders people put out – on the lawn/on the bushes/crawling up the front of the house! THEY ARE ALL TARANTULAS! What do you think this does to my self-image?” Everyone got quiet. “I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?” Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered. I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.” "Let's face it, the pumpkin is the |
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"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." -Wayne Dyer |
I recently came across this quote, and I liked it a lot. I thought about how much I miss traveling, so I decided to plan a trip - keeping the message in mind. It was a great experience. Here is my journal and a few pictures:
MY JOURNAL, 2020
“T’was the day of my travels…”
I just want to share
This trip during COVID
You’ll think you’ve been there!
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
I got up real early
To get a head start
So as not to miss out –
Now, isn’t that smart?
With my phone for pictures
I took a little blank book
To write down the adventure
I’ll call, “ Take a Good Look.”
The bedroom – it’s lovely
Those windows, great light!
Such pleasure I got
Enjoying the sight.
Then I looked at the wall
Saw the art in its frame
A beautiful flower…
Would I remember the name?
I just want to share
This trip during COVID
You’ll think you’ve been there!
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
I got up real early
To get a head start
So as not to miss out –
Now, isn’t that smart?
With my phone for pictures
I took a little blank book
To write down the adventure
I’ll call, “ Take a Good Look.”
The bedroom – it’s lovely
Those windows, great light!
Such pleasure I got
Enjoying the sight.
Then I looked at the wall
Saw the art in its frame
A beautiful flower…
Would I remember the name?
Ah, yes – it’s PROTEA!
The colors painted with flare
Then I smiled just remembering
Why we put it put there.
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
I knew where to go next.
I did not hesitate
The bathroom – so important -
Time to appreciate
The towels look pretty
All cream, black and white
A mirror reflecting -
The room looks so bright!
The colors painted with flare
Then I smiled just remembering
Why we put it put there.
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
I knew where to go next.
I did not hesitate
The bathroom – so important -
Time to appreciate
The towels look pretty
All cream, black and white
A mirror reflecting -
The room looks so bright!
Once showered and primped
I felt together and steady
With passport in hand
I was courageous and ready.
How often we travel
And almost always ignore
Things like fluffy, soft carpets
And a lovely tile floor.
I felt together and steady
With passport in hand
I was courageous and ready.
How often we travel
And almost always ignore
Things like fluffy, soft carpets
And a lovely tile floor.
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
The kitchen was next
I looked around with delight
Antique teapots and milk bottles
Were a beautiful sight
As I really looked at them
For the first time in a while
All the memories came;
They all made me smile
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
The kitchen was next
I looked around with delight
Antique teapots and milk bottles
Were a beautiful sight
As I really looked at them
For the first time in a while
All the memories came;
They all made me smile
The bottles with writing
Of unique shapes and sizes
Were found at flea markets
It was like winning prizes
And the teapots – all metal
From back in the day
Made such a happy
And colorful display
I opened the fridge
More colors I could see
Blueberries and strawberries,
And light green Kiwi.
It’s really important
I thought with a smile
To plan a trip to appreciate
Once in a while.
So start where you are;
Be your own wish-granting fairy!
Realize that your home
Can be the i-tin-er-ary!
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
Fortified, I continued
And explored all around.
There in the living room
My desk could be found
Of course, it’s familiar
Of course, I’m there every day
But now I could see it
In a new special way
The bookends - the rhinos
From that trip last fall
When was the last time
I noticed them at all?
Of unique shapes and sizes
Were found at flea markets
It was like winning prizes
And the teapots – all metal
From back in the day
Made such a happy
And colorful display
I opened the fridge
More colors I could see
Blueberries and strawberries,
And light green Kiwi.
It’s really important
I thought with a smile
To plan a trip to appreciate
Once in a while.
So start where you are;
Be your own wish-granting fairy!
Realize that your home
Can be the i-tin-er-ary!
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
Fortified, I continued
And explored all around.
There in the living room
My desk could be found
Of course, it’s familiar
Of course, I’m there every day
But now I could see it
In a new special way
The bookends - the rhinos
From that trip last fall
When was the last time
I noticed them at all?
My bookshelves are full
It was such fun to look
Remembering when reading
Meant holding a book!
It was such fun to look
Remembering when reading
Meant holding a book!
And that box full of pens -
That stay tall in their places.
How cute is that container
With my granddaughters’ faces!
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
The computer, a good friend,
A companion, and more
Bringing ZOOM and FACEBOOK greetings
Full of connections galore!
That stay tall in their places.
How cute is that container
With my granddaughters’ faces!
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
The computer, a good friend,
A companion, and more
Bringing ZOOM and FACEBOOK greetings
Full of connections galore!
Yes, on my trip I stayed home -
It was no hologram.
It made me realize very quickly
How lucky I am.
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
You try it -
(and don’t stop to clean out a drawer!)
It was no hologram.
It made me realize very quickly
How lucky I am.
On looking - On pausing-
On observing things-
What joy and excitement
Really NOTICING brings
You try it -
(and don’t stop to clean out a drawer!)
-Loretta
IS GOOD PRACTICE
FOR RETIREMENT!
Regardless of where you are in your professional journey, the experience of sheltering-in-place can be looked at as practice for retirement!
“Huh?” you say. “If this is retirement, don’t sign me up.” Or maybe you’re thinking there is no way this shelter-in-place has anything to do with retirement. Let's take a look:
It’s been over two months that we have been unable to go out to our usual places – work/gym/movies/parties/travel, etc. At first it seemed like it would be short-term, and we could handle it just fine. We can either work from home, catch up on our sleep, or simply relax. After all, there's online shopping, and we can have our groceries delivered.
“Huh?” you say. “If this is retirement, don’t sign me up.” Or maybe you’re thinking there is no way this shelter-in-place has anything to do with retirement. Let's take a look:
It’s been over two months that we have been unable to go out to our usual places – work/gym/movies/parties/travel, etc. At first it seemed like it would be short-term, and we could handle it just fine. We can either work from home, catch up on our sleep, or simply relax. After all, there's online shopping, and we can have our groceries delivered.
“Retirement is different,” you argue.
“Retirement will let me do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Now I can hardly go out - I wake up every morning wondering
'What am I going to do today?'"
“Retirement will let me do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Now I can hardly go out - I wake up every morning wondering
'What am I going to do today?'"
Exactly. As a retirement coach, I’ve spent a lot of time asking people, “So, when you retire, what are you going to do -and when are you going to do it?” I get answers like,
“Oh, I’ll figure that out later,
but I can tell you,
my bank statement looks good.!”
but I can tell you,
my bank statement looks good.!”
That's when I remind them that retirement is about more than money. Yes, having enough money is very important, and your financial consultant can work with you to help figure out how much will be enough for that sailboat, your dream travels, or simply to pay off your mortgage.
But what about the rest? This pandemic is putting those same questions to you right now. Are you physically fit? How do you handle change? Who is your social network? What brings you fulfillment and peace? Well, the good news is that with ‘shelter-in-place’ you have been practicing! Take a look:
But what about the rest? This pandemic is putting those same questions to you right now. Are you physically fit? How do you handle change? Who is your social network? What brings you fulfillment and peace? Well, the good news is that with ‘shelter-in-place’ you have been practicing! Take a look:
1 – GET PHYSICAL
I say: It’s so important to find the time and get into the habit of doing some form of exercise. Some people may find it hard to stick to a routine or think a walk with your dog in the morning is enough. Many people talk about how when they retire they are going to travel. Well, just remember traveling comes with physical and mental demands, like delays, uncomfortable seating or a crowded environment.
Taking care of your health and body will help you do what you want to
do and embrace those 20-30 years that are yours to enjoy when you do
decide to retire.
I say: It’s so important to find the time and get into the habit of doing some form of exercise. Some people may find it hard to stick to a routine or think a walk with your dog in the morning is enough. Many people talk about how when they retire they are going to travel. Well, just remember traveling comes with physical and mental demands, like delays, uncomfortable seating or a crowded environment.
Taking care of your health and body will help you do what you want to
do and embrace those 20-30 years that are yours to enjoy when you do
decide to retire.
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Covid-19 says: Ok… So you got restless sitting around. You figured out that taking walks and joining those online exercise classes
help you feel physically fit while I’m around? Good for you. Guess I’ll find somebody else who spends most of the day thinking exercise is getting up to check out what’s in the refrigerator. Speaking of the fridge, are those pants you always put on getting tighter... ? |
2 – WORK ON THE MENTAL
I say: “Things turn out best for those people who make the best
of how things turn out” is a mantra to live by. Having a positive mental outlook helps make you more resilient and able to better handle the changes that come your way. Sometimes, those plans you made just aren't going to work out. On the other hand, with a positive outlook you may start a new business or envision a whole new career.
According to a 2019 report by the Census Bureau and Bureau of Labor Statistics, the greatest share of older Americans in more than 50 years are working well into their 60s, and it's not because they need the money. Whatever you choose to do, work now on becoming more optimistic and you’ll be better able to handle stress.
I say: “Things turn out best for those people who make the best
of how things turn out” is a mantra to live by. Having a positive mental outlook helps make you more resilient and able to better handle the changes that come your way. Sometimes, those plans you made just aren't going to work out. On the other hand, with a positive outlook you may start a new business or envision a whole new career.
According to a 2019 report by the Census Bureau and Bureau of Labor Statistics, the greatest share of older Americans in more than 50 years are working well into their 60s, and it's not because they need the money. Whatever you choose to do, work now on becoming more optimistic and you’ll be better able to handle stress.
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Covid-19 says: Ha! I’m keeping you on your toes – is the curve up or leveling? Should you go out or stay in? Since everyone is home now, what’s for lunch? (Depressed yet?) I have to admit that somehow you really are pretty resilient. You’re using this time to clean out closets, plant that garden, and enjoy family time! Did I hear conversations about being grateful? About having confidence that the scientists will eventually come up with a vaccine? It kinda takes the fun out of my search and destroy.
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3 – BROADEN YOUR SOCIAL NETWORK
I say: "One of life’s basic human needs is connection." When thinking about retiring, how will you stay connected? If most of your friends and acquaintances have been people you work with, be aware that you will not be joining them for lunch every day. If you move somewhere near your kids and grandkids, remember kids grow up and are busy with their friends and activities. Take a good look at yourself. Think about who you are now and what you enjoy doing. Broaden your social network, and have a discussion with your partner about his/her vision of life in retirement.
I say: "One of life’s basic human needs is connection." When thinking about retiring, how will you stay connected? If most of your friends and acquaintances have been people you work with, be aware that you will not be joining them for lunch every day. If you move somewhere near your kids and grandkids, remember kids grow up and are busy with their friends and activities. Take a good look at yourself. Think about who you are now and what you enjoy doing. Broaden your social network, and have a discussion with your partner about his/her vision of life in retirement.
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Covid-19 says: Well, for those of you who have the ‘go-go’s’ just get
used to being at home. ‘Make new friends but keep the old,’ and all that? Well, maybe. But just because you are getting out a bit, don’t plan too many big dinners and parties yet. I’m still here. Although…, there does seem to be a lot of new neighborhood friendships happening. I noticed that before I arrived you never took the time to get to know your neighbors. Looks a lot different now. By the way, what’s the deal with Zoom? I thought it was just for business meetings! Lots of you guys got really creative and figured out how to work from home with meetings, talk and play with the grandkids, and even form book clubs where you can meet new people. Impressive. But just remember, it’s true I don’t like the heat - but there’s always winter! |
4 – EXAMINE YOUR SPIRITUALTY
I say: "When I talk about spirituality, I am talking about who you are as a
person – your basic core beliefs and values." Goals and priorities change as you get older. No longer do you strive for the promotion or the bigger house and fancier car. Instead, ask yourself, how important is feeling fulfilled? Spending time with family and friends? Being creative and motivated? Shifting easily into retirement requires taking inventory of yourself.
I say: "When I talk about spirituality, I am talking about who you are as a
person – your basic core beliefs and values." Goals and priorities change as you get older. No longer do you strive for the promotion or the bigger house and fancier car. Instead, ask yourself, how important is feeling fulfilled? Spending time with family and friends? Being creative and motivated? Shifting easily into retirement requires taking inventory of yourself.
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Covid-19 says: Well, well, look at that. You people have been so quick to reach out to each other. Even being kind enough to share your toilet paper? Amazing! After the restaurants closed, some of the owners kept people on by cooking meals for doctors, nurses and others at the hospitals. Impressive. I even hear that the donation centers are overloaded with bags and boxes of things that you finally realized you didn't need any more. (And you are not even waiting for the tax receipt!) All this “We are in this together,” stuff was a real surprise. But, whatever. I’m still here - until you figure out how to get rid of me!
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See? You are building good habits that will pay off when - some day! - you are ready for retirement. Isn't it funny how "Things turn out the best for people who make the best of how things turn out!"?
Keep practicing! Get physical; find creative ways to spend your time, and continue to offer random acts of kindness to your friends and neighbors. And feel good knowing that you are paving the path to retirement!
Keep practicing! Get physical; find creative ways to spend your time, and continue to offer random acts of kindness to your friends and neighbors. And feel good knowing that you are paving the path to retirement!
Loretta
“People Who Need People
Are the Luckiest People in the World”
Are the Luckiest People in the World”
Can we talk? I think it’s time we discussed the proliferation of video conferencing tools – read that as Zoom and FaceTime. I’ve been using FaceTime for quite a while to catch up with friends and call my grandkids in other states.
But, I have to admit something. Lately, I’ve become a little more self-conscious. One time after dialing in on FaceTime and waiting for an answer, my husband caught me studying the screen, trying to rearrange my wrinkles and tilt my head so my neck looked smoother.
But, I have to admit something. Lately, I’ve become a little more self-conscious. One time after dialing in on FaceTime and waiting for an answer, my husband caught me studying the screen, trying to rearrange my wrinkles and tilt my head so my neck looked smoother.
"I THINK FACETIME WAS INVENTED BY PLASTIC SURGEONS!"
“Whoa! Why are you making faces at the screen?” he asked. I shrugged innocently and stared back at the phone, hoping someone would answer before he would figure it out.
Too late.
“You know,” he laughed, “I think FaceTime was invented by plastic surgeons! ‘Let’s see... we could tighten here and tuck there… Should work fine!’” He shook his head and walked away smiling. Of course. I couldn’t help it. It’s just that until someone answers the phone, all I see is a closeup of… ME!
Too late.
“You know,” he laughed, “I think FaceTime was invented by plastic surgeons! ‘Let’s see... we could tighten here and tuck there… Should work fine!’” He shook his head and walked away smiling. Of course. I couldn’t help it. It’s just that until someone answers the phone, all I see is a closeup of… ME!
And now... in the midst of the social-distancing edict with the Coronavirus, I suddenly find myself Zooming and Face-Timing more than ever! (I’ve even made them into verbs). We have to connect – whether for work or family and friends, and so I often find myself saying, “Who is that person in the picture with the dark roots and the sagging jowls?”
(Actually, I’m beginning to favor that multi-participant Zoom meeting when the picture is so small you can hardly recognize who it is, much less notice the roots and count the wrinkles.)
(Actually, I’m beginning to favor that multi-participant Zoom meeting when the picture is so small you can hardly recognize who it is, much less notice the roots and count the wrinkles.)
BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS!
Oh, wait! I’ve just found the command on Zoom that if you click on the down arrow next to the little video camera icon, there is a box called ‘touch up my appearance’
Needless to say, I just tried it. Huh? Was there a difference? I’m waiting to see Angelina Jolie, and to me I look exactly like I did before I pressed the button! Hold on… I know, I’ll ‘unclick’ and go back and try it again (You know these quirky computers).
Nope – me, again. Oh well, I’ve decided to like me.
After all, at least once my grandkids answer, I’m reminded that they don’t see wrinkles; they just see their loving Grammie, and I get to see a window into their lives in that moment. It often looks something like this:
My two-year-old granddaughter grabs the phone and
immediately hangs up.
My five-year-old granddaughter explains the solar system
and asks me if I know when Pluto was declared a non-planet.
My eight-year-old grandson shows me how he uses the Anamoji App
to change the image of himself on the phone. So instead of his face, I am talking to
a lion, a teddy bear, smoke-breathing dragon or a skeleton.
Or sometimes all of those - every 5 seconds!
immediately hangs up.
My five-year-old granddaughter explains the solar system
and asks me if I know when Pluto was declared a non-planet.
My eight-year-old grandson shows me how he uses the Anamoji App
to change the image of himself on the phone. So instead of his face, I am talking to
a lion, a teddy bear, smoke-breathing dragon or a skeleton.
Or sometimes all of those - every 5 seconds!
My twelve-year-old granddaughter talks to me
while finessing her Tik-Tok video for You Tube,
which often involves a running cartwheel.
My fourteen-year-old grandson holds the phone up to his nose
and asks if I can see any boogers.
My seventeen-year-old granddaughter says,
“Hi, Grammie. I’ve got to go study.”
And I love every word they say and every action they offer, even the booger hunting.
while finessing her Tik-Tok video for You Tube,
which often involves a running cartwheel.
My fourteen-year-old grandson holds the phone up to his nose
and asks if I can see any boogers.
My seventeen-year-old granddaughter says,
“Hi, Grammie. I’ve got to go study.”
And I love every word they say and every action they offer, even the booger hunting.
You are an Important Part of Your Grandchild's Life
So, whether you are calling friends or whether you are Grammy, Nana, PopPop, Bubbie, MeMaw, or BobaLou, get used to using video conferencing.
You are an important part of your grandchild’s life, and they are certainly an important part of yours. And whether you read stories, share a laugh, or just want to be part of a Tuesday evening, a FaceTime or Zoom call brings excitement, connection, and shows your thoughtfulness and love.
[…and it also shows a huge close up. Hmm, come to think of it, maybe next time I’ll try the Panda Bear on the Animoji app - or maybe I can invite more tiny-picture people to share in a Zoom call!]
Loretta
You are an important part of your grandchild’s life, and they are certainly an important part of yours. And whether you read stories, share a laugh, or just want to be part of a Tuesday evening, a FaceTime or Zoom call brings excitement, connection, and shows your thoughtfulness and love.
[…and it also shows a huge close up. Hmm, come to think of it, maybe next time I’ll try the Panda Bear on the Animoji app - or maybe I can invite more tiny-picture people to share in a Zoom call!]
Loretta
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
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