Let's talk tee shirts. Do you have any tee shirts with messages or quotes on them? By the way, I’m not talking about those that show off your taste in designers, styles, concerts, or sports’ teams. I’m talking about the ones with inspirational quotes or sayings that caught your eye and that you just had to buy.  

Maybe the reason you wanted the shirt was because you thought it was ‘pretty’ or ‘cute and funny,’ or perhaps you really wanted to communicate the message.  ​

I have a few tees that I bought because I liked the message and felt that they contained ‘words of wisdom’ that we could all use and even benefit from.  In fact, I hoped they would be noticed because they could be good ‘conversation starters!’

Think about that for a while. Research shows that the stories we tell ourselves reflect how we act. But we must remember that Our brains and our emotions are strongly connected.  Let’s say you are walking into a social situation – a new friend is having a party. You don’t know her friends, and you are wondering if there will be anyone there for you to talk with.

When you walk in do you think:

• "I’ll just stop by for a minute and then leave."
• "Who are these people? No one will talk to me!"
• "OMG – I should have worn the green dress. Why did I choose these shoes? What was I thinking?"

And then, when you get home, you wonder why you did not have a good time!
  
In his 2009 book, The Big Leap, psychologist Gay Hendricks presents an interesting theory about why we self-sabotage. He says that many people have an upper-limit mindset to the amount of positivity and success that can be tolerated.  According to Professor Hendricks, when this limit is reached a person must sabotage themselves to return to a sense of normalcy. A limit to positivity and success? Yikes!

​This is one of my favorites!

When my kids were young, I led a school team for a competition titled, “Odyssey of the Mind,” based on challenges for creative thoughts and ideas. To this day I love it when clients think ‘out of the box,’ allowing their imagination to soar. Check out my blog titled, “What is It?”

When people allow themselves to broaden their choices, they become more creative and more interesting. You don't have to follow the crowd.  Go ahead, give yourself permission! You'll find new ways and create new paths to achieve your goals.

Indeed, Robert Frost said it best,

Steve Jobs and Elon Musk did. They had a dream, not really knowing where it would lead them. In fact, along this untrodden path there were stumbles and almost-ruination (you can look it up). But they did not give up. ​

Did your eyebrows just go up? Did you immediately react to this image? Exactly.

Maybe you were trying to understand what it means. Maybe it made you mad to see another ridiculous example of words on a tee shirt. Or maybe you wondered why anyone would buy such a shirt - much less wear it. So, you simply dismissed it

and just continued reading.

But because this is a tee shirt image in a blog, your dismissal is less noticeable than a real confrontation. In a conversation when we are faced with someone or something we don't agree with, our first reaction is often to overreact. This message is a simple reminder to  take a few moments to think about what was said - or what you just saw - before you react.
​
Of course, you have the right to disagree, comment, or even challenge in the situation. But how often do you wish you had simply taken a little extra time to think over your response? This does not imply a change of feelings, although sometimes it might.

Think about how many friendships and relationships could be saved by following this simple advice.

During the pause, simply count to 10 (to yourself) as you consider how you can say what you want to say. This diffuses the impulse to REACT (and sometimes OVERREACT),  and you can then offer your calmer RESPONSE. ​

​Now, let me know which tee shirt words or sayings have inspired you. Please don’t send ones that are cutesie or insulting. Instead, tell me what made you buy the shirt and want to spread the message.  Send me pictures of the ones you think would make good 'conversation starters.'

I shared mine:

My friend Emily and I were out walking last week. Suddenly she stopped short and said, “Did you hear that Bob did The Big-R?” I was puzzled. “The Big-R?”

“That which cannot be named,” she uttered in her best Harry Potter-esque voice. I smiled and leaned in closer and whispered, “Are you talking about ‘Retirement’?”

“Shhh!” she hissed. “Seriously, don’t use that word anymore. It conveys the wrong message!”  

“What in the world do you mean?” I asked. She sighed, and I felt like she was searching for a way to say something nicely. “You, of all people, should know.”

“Look,” I said, “I know there is a lot of misinterpretation about the word ‘Retirement,’ but really, … comparing it to *Voldemort?”

Emily shook her head. “Misinterpretation? People hear the Big-R word and think the person is over the hill, incapable of anything new and fresh…, and, basically, A HAS BEEN!”

My mouth dropped open. “Ok, here’s proof!” she said as she pulled out her phone and pointed to a webpage. “Just look at the definition from the fancy Oxford English Language Dictionary!”

I looked in amazement as she continued. “I have no problem with definition #1 but check out #2! And, by the way, I’ve been thinking maybe you should stick with being  called a ‘Life Coach.’ If this is how people are viewing The Big-R, listing yourself first as a Retirement Coach could put people off!”

“Oh, Em,” I said shaking my head. “Just like a Life Coach, a Retirement Coach helps people deal with life’s transitions. It’s like the change from being single and then getting married or going from being a couple to having kids. ‘The Big-R’ requires thinking about and planning for the next 20 to 30 years! A person will have more time and more choices for not just how to fill the day but also for how to feel fulfilled at the end of the day. Planning is how to avoid definition #2!” We decided to order coffee and sat down outside.

​“If it was my dictionary,” I continued, “Definition #2 would be something like, 

As Emily thought about it, I decided to have some fun and sound less like a coach. “Take Clark Kent, for example. He knew he was meant to use his superpowers to seek truth and justice, but he couldn’t just transition from Smallville to Metropolis without a plan to protect his identity! He got a job as a reporter at the Daily Planet and located a nearby phone booth.” She started laughing and almost choked on her coffee. But she was listening. 

“Here’s another example - suppose you decide to get fit and enter a half marathon. You wouldn’t just get up that morning, put on a good pair of running shoes and join the race - hoping to get to the finish line, right?! You’d map out a training program to make sure you were prepared to succeed.”

She wiped some coffee from her chin and laughed out loud. “Ok, but what about other people’s reactions? I just saw Susan, and she was complaining that her neighbors think since she is around all the time, she can watch for their deliveries!” She paused, “And her kids think she is a full-time babysitter; they assume she’s always available.”

I smiled and shook my head. “Stop worrying about other people! The fact is that it’s smart to approach retirement with a plan and an attitude of adventure and creativity.

Today, more than 50% of retirees are working part-time and others are volunteering or busy learning something new.  It does not have to be solitude and loneliness!    

​“So,” Emily said. “What now? It’s obvious we need to do something about that word!” I smiled. “Well, you’re right and people have made lots of suggestions. But the Big-R word has been around a long time.  Instead, I say we keep the word ‘Retirement’ and just add a tag line:

Maybe I should print up tee shirts!

Loretta
​
*Voldemort, also known as 'The Dark Lord' in the Harry Potter series, was so evil that even his name was not to be spoken.
*Oxford Languages is the world’s leading dictionary publisher, with over 150 years of experience creating and delivering authoritative dictionaries globally in more than 50 languages.

Some are young and some are old     
Some do not do what they’re told     
But I’m tired of being home and slow     
​So how to revive my get up and go?     

At first, I thought answers on TV would do
But wait – do I listen to channel one or two?
Before, whenever when I had an ouchie
I followed the advice of Dr. Fauci!
 
But then science changed – from yes to no
Is the light red for stop or green for go?
Southwest says, “We’re careful and make a fuss”
American says, “Get in line; fly with us!”
 
A Doc* at Penn says it’s “Anxiety-One and Two”
So, consider them both – which are you?
Anxiety One cries – “There’s Covid out there!
It lurks, then strikes! It doesn’t care!”
 
Anxiety Two? Well, check this one out:
It’s the mixing with others that makes people pout.
They say, “It’s been so long.., but it’s ok now.”
Yet when socializing – they forget how!

​* Lily Brown, director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine

I have been feeling great joy in offering this campaign again to all of us. Now that spring has finally arrived and we are allowing ourselves more freedom to mix and mingle again, I believe that having a positive attitude is one of the most important steps to finding peace and fulfillment.
 
When I remind myself of these five steps to making happy a habit, I gain personal strength and the resilience to deal with ‘stuff’ that life sends my way. That half-full glass allows me to be more creative and to realize that if I’m blocked in one direction, there are many ways to reach my personal goals. For example, ​this is a blog I wrote when in lockdown from Covid.

Wishing you happily ever after,

Loretta