 I don’t often talk like that. In fact, I find that I will go out of my way not to say it or even hint at it. But now since Tom Brady is back, I will state it in capital letters: I Told You So! Let me explain. If you will recall, in one of my recent blogs, I talked about trying to find a substitute for the word ‘Retirement.’ I do feel replacing (or enhancing) the word is important because the connotation is just dripping with... "it’s over! you’re a has been! you are outa here! and you have become a 'usta be!’ " Tom Brady felt it, I’m sure. After all, when he decided to quit playing football, here is how he announced it: “I am not going to make that competitive commitment anymore.” Rather fancy, huh? Kind of a dancing around the situation, right? He could not bring himself to say, “The Big R” word, so he just used some other pretty words instead. But the meaning was there: I am retiring and “imagining the possibilities.” … at least for a little while. "Acting Before Thinking is Regret"Here we are two months later, and I’m sure you heard the news: Tom Brady said Sunday he is returning to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for his 23rd season in the NFL. The seven-time Super Bowl champion announced his decision on Twitter and Instagram, saying he has unfinished business. Uh, yeah. ‘Unfinished business.’ Ok, now maybe you will try to tell me he was made an offer he couldn’t refuse. Money? Really? Tom Brady would be swayed by the money? I doubt it.  Instead, he found himself in the position that I have warned you against - namely, regretting the decision soon after leaving work and then wasting time trying to figure it all out. It can be nice during that honeymoon phase of the first few months, having no schedule or responsibility. But it’s when you start longing for connection, searching for identity and finding your purpose that the questioning and doubting begin. The TakeawayUnless you are forced out, do not leave your work until you have some idea about how and with whom you will spend your time. It is so important to get involved in some interesting, satisfying, and challenging activities OUTSIDE OF WORK many years before you plan on reaching ‘The Big R.’ Which brings me to another of my blogs: Please go back and reread my two previous blogs through the links above. Be smart, and don’t be like Tom Brady. (Has anyone ever said that before?) Contact a Retirement Coach today (maybe me?) and imagine the possibilities! Enough said, except ... I TOLD YOU SO! Loretta
P.S. If anyone out there knows Tom, please send him my contact information. I’ll be glad to help him figure things out.
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 Remember your New Year’s Resolutions for 2021? (You did make some, right?) Remember how sincere and optimistic you tried to be? Let’s take a moment to check how we did with last year’s promises. I’ve just checked mine, and here’s my review: 10 RESOLUTIONS I MADE FOR 2021 AND WHETHER I KEPT THEM OR NOT
Why, you may ask, were those 10 very well-thought-out and important resolutions not kept? Well, it’s because of …uh..,. because… um...., Actually, I'm not sure. What about you? Are you a good ‘resolution keeper'? I can remember other years and other resolutions that started out strong (i.e., that Fasting Diet) and then slowly faded away. I soon realized this is a common problem, and we could all use a little help standing strong to our promises for the new year. So, I’m glad to tell you that help has arrived! I’ve decided that one of the major problems is THE WORD ITSELF!  “Resolutions” are usually vague and offer very little motivation –
After all, goals are specific; goals have a timeline and require immediate action. So, my suggestion to all is that this year we all make – New Year’s GOALS! I can hear you now. “How is just calling it something else going to help me stick to my ‘goals.’ Thanks for asking. My suggestion also just happens to include a method!  Meet SMART goals. See, already the word is making you sit up tall and feel clever. SMART goals were developed by three men, George Doran, Arthur Miller and James Cunningham in their 1981 article “There’s a S.M.A.R.T. way to write management goals and objectives.” That’s right – SMART goals refers to the acronym that was developed by businesspeople to help management set their goals and objectives. But, when I think about it, S.M.A.R.T. is a smart way for all of us to find focus and motivation. Here is what the letters mean:  Think about it (that’s the smart part, too). Being Specific, Achievable and Realistic are just sensible and already get you halfway there. For the Measurable part – keep a journal to track your progress along the way! And certainly, one of the most important considerations is Timely. Choose a date by which you feel you can accomplish the challenge. Then, get started! For Example,
There you have it. Don’t those sound more Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic and Timely? This year, turn your ‘Resolutions’ into GOALS and enjoy being called a 'smart-y' pants!
Happy New Year! ~ Loretta This was originally posted in November 2019. It resonates just as much now as we close out 2021.  I got a call from THE ELF ON THE SHELF yesterday. The conversation went something like this:  Elf: Hi. Listen, I’m kind of in a hurry, so I’m hoping you can help me get something out to remind people of what’s important. Me: Ok, what’s on your mind? Elf: Well, let’s just say that lately everywhere I look there seems to be a lot more naughty than nice. People are rude; smiles are few and far between, and taking the time to help one another seems to be out of style! I’m just exhausted! Me: What happened? Elf: Well, I was up high on a shelf at the grocery store and constantly I saw people racing to get in front of others in the checkout line. Then I hung out at the new office building downtown (where there’s a shelf at the welcome desk with a great view), and I watched the people hurrying and purposely closing the elevator doors before anyone else could get in! And at night I was peeking around the merlot wines at your favorite restaurant, and I was really surprised to hear constant laughter as people made fun of other people as they walked by. I mean, seriously? What’s happened to NICE? Just do this for me. And by the way … rather than your offering ‘9 steps’ or ‘4 tips’ or even ‘2 sure-fire ways’ to reduce stress this holiday season. Tell people to follow this advice and watch the changes. I couldn’t help smiling. This guy made a lot of sense. And so I promised Elf that I would send out a memo. So, here goes: MEMO TO EVERYONE! To: Everyone From: Everyone Else Date: Today and Every day Subject: BE NICE It has come to my attention that there has been a slacking off on BEING NICE. Somehow common courtesy has been pushed aside to make room for iPhones, multitasking, and always being in a hurry. This has caused a lot of hurt feelings and negative attitudes. As a result, I am encouraging all people to slow down and take some time to be considerate and kind to each other. YOU be the one who smiles more often and treats people the way that you want to be treated. Studies have shown that when people include random acts of kindness in their day, it gives the brain a serotonin boost and results in a feeling of well being and satisfaction. The doer feels great, and the recipient is overcome with a ‘pay-it-forward’ attitude. The entire atmosphere changes. Put this suggestion into effect immediately and make it a prominent part of your daily routine. It will result in stronger friendships, more enjoyable activities and workplaces and may even increase your gifts at Holiday Time. This is just a hint from someone in the know. Thanks for your cooperation, The Elf on the Shelf nice!Have a great Holiday Season regardless of how you celebrate. Just be sure that whatever you are doing and whomever you are with, remember to BE NICE.
Do it for yourself – and for the Elf. Loretta P.S. If you want to share some ‘nice’ that either you’ve done or seen, send me a note. I’ll make sure it gets to the Elf.  Today, Let's Talk About Tee Shirts Let's talk tee shirts. Do you have any tee shirts with messages or quotes on them? By the way, I’m not talking about those that show off your taste in designers, styles, concerts, or sports’ teams. I’m talking about the ones with inspirational quotes or sayings that caught your eye and that you just had to buy. Maybe the reason you wanted the shirt was because you thought it was ‘pretty’ or ‘cute and funny,’ or perhaps you really wanted to communicate the message. I have a few tees that I bought because I liked the message and felt that they contained ‘words of wisdom’ that we could all use and even benefit from. In fact, I hoped they would be noticed because they could be good ‘conversation starters!’ Here are three of my 'message' tee shirts for you: 1. "Where focus goes, energy flows." Think about that for a while. Research shows that the stories we tell ourselves reflect how we act. But we must remember that Our brains and our emotions are strongly connected. Let’s say you are walking into a social situation – a new friend is having a party. You don’t know her friends, and you are wondering if there will be anyone there for you to talk with. When you walk in do you think:
And then, when you get home, you wonder why you did not have a good time! In his 2009 book, The Big Leap, psychologist Gay Hendricks presents an interesting theory about why we self-sabotage. He says that many people have an upper-limit mindset to the amount of positivity and success that can be tolerated. According to Professor Hendricks, when this limit is reached a person must sabotage themselves to return to a sense of normalcy. A limit to positivity and success? Yikes! REMINDER #1: STOP SELF-SABOTAGE! CHANGE YOUR FOCUS AND ALLOW A POSITIVE MINDSET TO BRING SUCCESS! 2. "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." This is one of my favorites! When my kids were young, I led a school team for a competition titled, “Odyssey of the Mind,” based on challenges for creative thoughts and ideas. To this day I love it when clients think ‘out of the box,’ allowing their imagination to soar. Check out my blog titled, “What is It?” When people allow themselves to broaden their choices, they become more creative and more interesting. You don't have to follow the crowd. Go ahead, give yourself permission! You'll find new ways and create new paths to achieve your goals. Indeed, Robert Frost said it best, Two roads diverged in a wood, and I – I took the one less traveled by And that has made all the difference. Steve Jobs and Elon Musk did. They had a dream, not really knowing where it would lead them. In fact, along this untrodden path there were stumbles and almost-ruination (you can look it up). But they did not give up. REMINDER #2: BE BRAVE! CREATE A NEW PATH, AND Remember the ad Steve jobs created in the late 90’s for Apple called Think Different: “Here’s to the crazy ones. The rebels. The misfits. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world – are the ones who do.” And finally, 3. "But first let me overreact." Did your eyebrows just go up? Did you immediately react to this image? Exactly. Maybe you were trying to understand what it means. Maybe it made you mad to see another ridiculous example of words on a tee shirt. Or maybe you wondered why anyone would buy such a shirt - much less wear it. So, you simply dismissed it and just continued reading. But because this is a tee shirt image in a blog, your dismissal is less noticeable than a real confrontation. In a conversation when we are faced with someone or something we don't agree with, our first reaction is often to overreact. This message is a simple reminder to take a few moments to think about what was said - or what you just saw - before you react. Of course, you have the right to disagree, comment, or even challenge in the situation. But how often do you wish you had simply taken a little extra time to think over your response? This does not imply a change of feelings, although sometimes it might. Think about how many friendships and relationships could be saved by following this simple advice. During the pause, simply count to 10 (to yourself) as you consider how you can say what you want to say. This diffuses the impulse to REACT (and sometimes OVERREACT), and you can then offer your calmer RESPONSE. REMINDER #3: WHATEVER THE SITUATION, REMEMBER TO PAUSE, THINK FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN RESPOND! Now, let me know which tee shirt words or sayings have inspired you. Please don’t send ones that are cutesie or insulting. Instead, tell me what made you buy the shirt and want to spread the message. Send me pictures of the ones you think would make good 'conversation starters.' I shared mine: CHANGE YOUR FOCUS CHOOSE THE PATH NOT FOLLOWED FIRST PAUSE, THEN RESPOND Happy August!
Loretta  My friend Emily and I were out walking last week. Suddenly she stopped short and said, “Did you hear that Bob did The Big-R?” I was puzzled. “The Big-R?” “That which cannot be named,” she uttered in her best Harry Potter-esque voice. I smiled and leaned in closer and whispered, “Are you talking about ‘Retirement’?” “Shhh!” she hissed. “Seriously, don’t use that word anymore. It conveys the wrong message!” “What in the world do you mean?” I asked. She sighed, and I felt like she was searching for a way to say something nicely. “You, of all people, should know.” “Look,” I said, “I know there is a lot of misinterpretation about the word ‘Retirement,’ but really, … comparing it to *Voldemort?” Emily shook her head. “Misinterpretation? People hear the Big-R word and think the person is over the hill, incapable of anything new and fresh…, and, basically, A HAS BEEN!” My mouth dropped open. “Ok, here’s proof!” she said as she pulled out her phone and pointed to a webpage. “Just look at the definition from the fancy Oxford English Language Dictionary!” *Retirement (Noun) 1. giving up work, stopping work 2. seclusion, retreat, solitude, loneliness, isolation, privacy, obscurity I could hardly believe what I was reading! I looked in amazement as she continued. “I have no problem with definition #1 but check out #2! And, by the way, I’ve been thinking maybe you should stick with being called a ‘Life Coach.’ If this is how people are viewing The Big-R, listing yourself first as a Retirement Coach could put people off!” Just like a Life Coach, a Retirement Coach helps people deal with life’s transitions. “Oh, Em,” I said shaking my head. “Just like a Life Coach, a Retirement Coach helps people deal with life’s transitions. It’s like the change from being single and then getting married or going from being a couple to having kids. ‘The Big-R’ requires thinking about and planning for the next 20 to 30 years! A person will have more time and more choices for not just how to fill the day but also for how to feel fulfilled at the end of the day. Planning is how to avoid definition #2!” We decided to order coffee and sat down outside. “If it was my dictionary,” I continued, “Definition #2 would be something like, Retirement (Noun) "The opportunity and time to energize lifestyle, renew interests, and create new adventures.” As Emily thought about it, I decided to have some fun and sound less like a coach. “Take Clark Kent, for example. He knew he was meant to use his superpowers to seek truth and justice, but he couldn’t just transition from Smallville to Metropolis without a plan to protect his identity! He got a job as a reporter at the Daily Planet and located a nearby phone booth.” She started laughing and almost choked on her coffee. But she was listening.
“Here’s another example - suppose you decide to get fit and enter a half marathon. You wouldn’t just get up that morning, put on a good pair of running shoes and join the race - hoping to get to the finish line, right?! You’d map out a training program to make sure you were prepared to succeed.” She wiped some coffee from her chin and laughed out loud. “Ok, but what about other people’s reactions? I just saw Susan, and she was complaining that her neighbors think since she is around all the time, she can watch for their deliveries!” She paused, “And her kids think she is a full-time babysitter; they assume she’s always available.”  Today, more than 50% of retirees are working |
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Some are young and some are old
Some do not do what they’re told
But I’m tired of being home and slow
So how to revive my get up and go?
Some do not do what they’re told
But I’m tired of being home and slow
So how to revive my get up and go?
At first, I thought answers on TV would do
But wait – do I listen to channel one or two?
Before, whenever when I had an ouchie
I followed the advice of Dr. Fauci!
But then science changed – from yes to no
Is the light red for stop or green for go?
Southwest says, “We’re careful and make a fuss”
American says, “Get in line; fly with us!”
A Doc* at Penn says it’s “Anxiety-One and Two”
So, consider them both – which are you?
Anxiety One cries – “There’s Covid out there!
It lurks, then strikes! It doesn’t care!”
Anxiety Two? Well, check this one out:
It’s the mixing with others that makes people pout.
They say, “It’s been so long.., but it’s ok now.”
Yet when socializing – they forget how!
But wait – do I listen to channel one or two?
Before, whenever when I had an ouchie
I followed the advice of Dr. Fauci!
But then science changed – from yes to no
Is the light red for stop or green for go?
Southwest says, “We’re careful and make a fuss”
American says, “Get in line; fly with us!”
A Doc* at Penn says it’s “Anxiety-One and Two”
So, consider them both – which are you?
Anxiety One cries – “There’s Covid out there!
It lurks, then strikes! It doesn’t care!”
Anxiety Two? Well, check this one out:
It’s the mixing with others that makes people pout.
They say, “It’s been so long.., but it’s ok now.”
Yet when socializing – they forget how!
To better understand this Covid-era dilemma, I recently sent out a survey to find out how people feel about ‘getting out’ and searching for their New Normal. I found that basically there are 5 strategies:
- Strategy 1: Just Suspect Everybody!! Look – she is not social distancing! Watch out! That lady has her mask below her nose! OMG – that runner just coughed in my direction. I’m going home.
- Strategy 2: I Tiptoe – I’ll go to the patio (if it is big enough). I’ll go with no more than 2 friends (wait – do I still have two friends??) I’ll just Purell on the way out (Do they even have a dispenser?).
- Strategy 3: I’m Kinda Picky – Grocery Stores… no! unless it’s between 10:15 and 11 on M/T/W . well, Trader Joe’s is ok… since a lot that I buy is frozen or pre-packaged. Target …? HECK NO! (What? Oh, it’s big and lots of space, oh.. well…, maybe.)
- Strategy 4: I’m Not Stupid! Bigger venues? - Concerts? Movies? Are you serious? I heard they don’t even take the temperature when you walk in… The seats are too close together..,, groups walk in and just sit anywhere! NO WAY!
- Strategy 5: Actually, IT’S ALL GOOD! – I want to go to restaurants and relax. So what if I change tables three times and open several windows! So what if I ask for a paper menu! At least I’m getting out.
What’s YOUR strategy?
Oh, and Bon Voyage!
Loretta
* Lily Brown, director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania’s Perelman School of Medicine
I have been feeling great joy in offering this campaign again to all of us. Now that spring has finally arrived and we are allowing ourselves more freedom to mix and mingle again, I believe that having a positive attitude is one of the most important steps to finding peace and fulfillment.
When I remind myself of these five steps to making happy a habit, I gain personal strength and the resilience to deal with ‘stuff’ that life sends my way. That half-full glass allows me to be more creative and to realize that if I’m blocked in one direction, there are many ways to reach my personal goals. For example, this is a blog I wrote when in lockdown from Covid.
When I remind myself of these five steps to making happy a habit, I gain personal strength and the resilience to deal with ‘stuff’ that life sends my way. That half-full glass allows me to be more creative and to realize that if I’m blocked in one direction, there are many ways to reach my personal goals. For example, this is a blog I wrote when in lockdown from Covid.
I believe that having a positive attitude is one of the most important steps to finding peace and fulfillment.
Now is a good time to take a few minutes to look over those journal entries and notice what you wrote for the ‘best thing that happened in the last 24 hours.’ Those are events that I hope you can make happen again. In fact, next time you may even put them on the ‘grateful’ list.
I’m pretty sure that exercise has become part of your daily routine, and I’ll even bet that your thoughts offered a brief ‘thank you’ after you took the 5-7 minutes a day to give them a rest. And that daily random act of kindness? It probably has become more of a reflex than something you have to think about.
I hope you have made happy a habit. Please share with me any stories about the challenge that you have, and please remember the words of Wayne Dyer: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
I’m pretty sure that exercise has become part of your daily routine, and I’ll even bet that your thoughts offered a brief ‘thank you’ after you took the 5-7 minutes a day to give them a rest. And that daily random act of kindness? It probably has become more of a reflex than something you have to think about.
I hope you have made happy a habit. Please share with me any stories about the challenge that you have, and please remember the words of Wayne Dyer: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
Here is a little quiz to remind you of our time together. Try it - I’ll bet you’ll know the answers!
(HINT) the answers are in the 5 steps to MAKE HAPPY A HABIT.
(HINT) the answers are in the 5 steps to MAKE HAPPY A HABIT.
- What should you write down every night before you go to sleep?
- How should you greet the morning when you wake up?
- When is a good time to meditate/sit quietly for 10 minutes/walk barefoot in the grass?
- Who do you need when you decide it’s time to exercise 20 min a day?
- Where can you perform a random act of kindness?
Wishing you happily ever after,
Loretta
Loretta
Welcome to my new podcast,
Resources for a Modern Retirement!
I’m Loretta Saff, and I am pleased to bring to you - the retiree or ‘almost’ retiree - ideas and resources for what to do and who to contact once the retirement party is over.
Retirement is not "One Size Fits All.” And a Modern Retirement includes planning for the next 20-30 years! Spending time involved in activities that YOU truly enjoy and that make you feel fulfilled is the key to success on the journey. But how do you find out what is out there?
I hope this podcast helps.
Enjoy!
https://www.coachingwithloretta.com/videos.html
Retirement is not "One Size Fits All.” And a Modern Retirement includes planning for the next 20-30 years! Spending time involved in activities that YOU truly enjoy and that make you feel fulfilled is the key to success on the journey. But how do you find out what is out there?
I hope this podcast helps.
Enjoy!
https://www.coachingwithloretta.com/videos.html
2020 was undeniably hard. Like, really really unimaginably difficult and sad and trying for so many people. A lot of folks have just been hanging on and getting through. Practicing happy habits has understandably not been at the top or even the middle of the priority list. But finally there is a little light at the end of the tunnel. Self-care can start to be something that you prioritize in 2021. And now, more than ever, self-care and finding your way to happiness is important for your health and well-being and for those around you.
There is real science behind the emotions of happiness and love. Dr. Barbara Frederickson, Psychologist and Neuroscience Professor at UNC, Chapel Hill said, “The ways that we feel happiness and well-being are actually showing up in the cells of our immune system and supporting our health.”
I did a 30-day Make Happy a Habit challenge back in 2016 and now I'm ready for a refresher 2021-style!
I'll be starting my 2021 challenge on March 1. Follow along with my progress and hopefully you'll find some inspiration from my journey for your own. I'd love for you to join me ... Share your progress … Post some pictures of what you are grateful for and what makes you happy. I want to know how your random acts of kindness and writing about your positive experiences made you feel. Tell me about your time in meditation. And be sure to tell me when you start feeling like HAPPY is becoming a habit.
I'll be posting all month long at:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/makehappyahabit/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/makehappyahabit
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/
Hope you join me!
Loretta
There is real science behind the emotions of happiness and love. Dr. Barbara Frederickson, Psychologist and Neuroscience Professor at UNC, Chapel Hill said, “The ways that we feel happiness and well-being are actually showing up in the cells of our immune system and supporting our health.”
I did a 30-day Make Happy a Habit challenge back in 2016 and now I'm ready for a refresher 2021-style!
I'll be starting my 2021 challenge on March 1. Follow along with my progress and hopefully you'll find some inspiration from my journey for your own. I'd love for you to join me ... Share your progress … Post some pictures of what you are grateful for and what makes you happy. I want to know how your random acts of kindness and writing about your positive experiences made you feel. Tell me about your time in meditation. And be sure to tell me when you start feeling like HAPPY is becoming a habit.
I'll be posting all month long at:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/makehappyahabit/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/makehappyahabit
Twitter: https://twitter.com/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ACCOMPLISHCOACH/
Hope you join me!
Loretta
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
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