 I recently worked with an executive who was thinking about retirement. In one of our initial sessions, I asked him about his hobbies. “HOBBIES? HOBBIES? |
 | Edward H. Friedman Retired Vanderbilt University Professor & Osher Life Long Learning Program teacher edward.h.friedman@vanderbilt.edu Olli (Osher Lifelong Learing Institute) |
*Warning*
This blog may offend you. In it I speak to you straight,
no beating around the bush.
Yes, I’ve got a second secret. Remember when I told you that one of the first secrets of dealing with adjusting to changes in life - including enjoying a successful retirement - is having a positive attitude? Well, that is absolutely right. (If you slept through that lesson, go back and read it again.)
But there is more. Regardless of how old you are, I’m pretty sure you do not want to face years of waking up wondering what you can do today and why you should do it. I’m pretty sure your goals do not include lack of curiosity and years of watching others enjoy their days feeling full of purpose, while you sit in front of the TV. If I’m wrong, skip this blog and check today’s tv guide.
That said, here is my second secret:
That said, here is my second secret:
Learn How To Use Technology!
Yes, you read that correctly. It won’t help for you to whine or squirm or say things like, “I’m too old” “It’s too hard” “Leave me alone.” In fact, you won’t even have to say the “Leave me alone” part because that train will have already left the station.
Plainly speaking, if you don't attempt to learn the basics of using the computer and your smart phone, you will be left out...
... of both the virtual world and increasingly many IRL "in real life" events as well. I'm talking about activities such as booking and confirming appointments and events with friends, doctors, restaurants / listening to music and watching TV and movies / communicating with the world outside your home.
There, I’ve said it. So put on your big boy/girl pants and get ready to learn.
... of both the virtual world and increasingly many IRL "in real life" events as well. I'm talking about activities such as booking and confirming appointments and events with friends, doctors, restaurants / listening to music and watching TV and movies / communicating with the world outside your home.
There, I’ve said it. So put on your big boy/girl pants and get ready to learn.
Let's Start By Asking the Right Questions
1. WHO?
Who needs to learn and Who can teach
WHO needs to learn? You do! Yes, you - along with anyone else who feels like they don't have a good basic grasp of current smart phone and internet technology or who simply does not want to be left out.
Who can teach? The first people I recommend for you to turn to is your family -
If those come up empty, try friends and neighbors or a volunteer organization. You may have to pay some of these people but trust me, it will be worth it. Maybe you can barter - bake/consult/garden, or offer a skill in which you excel.
The point is don’t be shy or try to overthink it. Just do it.
Who can teach? The first people I recommend for you to turn to is your family -
- Significant Other
- Kids/Grandkids
- Aunts
- Uncles
- Cousins
- Results of ancestry.com
If those come up empty, try friends and neighbors or a volunteer organization. You may have to pay some of these people but trust me, it will be worth it. Maybe you can barter - bake/consult/garden, or offer a skill in which you excel.
The point is don’t be shy or try to overthink it. Just do it.
2. WHAT?
What technology should you master first?
- The basics of the computer hardware – keyboard/screen/mouse/video camera or touchpad/power, printer, etc.
- Then, basic usage of those devices: accessing and searching the internet/reading and writing emails/ joining a Zoom meeting / accessing news or entertainment, etc.
- I am assuming you already have some sort of phone to stay in touch. Ask for lessons on how to use it beyond dialing a number, including text and instant messaging. That is how much of the world communicates now.
My purpose is not to scold or belittle. My purpose is to get you in touch with what is out there today – sort of like my podcast, RESOURCES FOR A MODERN RETIREMENT – to help you help yourself enjoy every day to its fullest.
3. WHERE?
Where should I learn?
Wherever it is easiest for you. If you don’t have a computer, ask the person who will teach you if you can work on theirs. If you can afford it, then purchase a computer (desktop or laptop), tablet, smartphone, or other electronic device. If someone who cares about your future would like to buy you a gift, put it on the list. In the meantime, practice your lessons by going to the library or borrowing a device.
4. WHEN?
When is the right time to start learning?
Now. Today. Get Started.
5. WHY?
Why do I need to learn this stuff now?
I don't even need or want a device.
I don't even need or want a device.
You need to learn this so you won’t be left behind. The reality is that the world is now more digital than not. Most individuals and businesses communicate via text message and/or email. Want to find a phone number or address? ... it's online. Can't find the manual for your vacuum? ... it's online. Need to access your banking information without going to the bank? ... it's online. Want to watch a movie? ... it's online. Especially in the age of Covid, everything you need can be accessed virtually, if you know how.
and
6. HOW?
How do I find the information I need to learn?
There are lots of ways for you to learn. If you already know how to get online to the internet, YouTube is a great resource for "how-tos". If you aren't comfortable yet searching online, take a trip to your local library or bookstore. Ask for the "Dummies" series of books on digital literacy. The National Institute on Aging has some helpful glossaries of computer and internet terms. Go ahead, try those.
If you are the one doing the teaching, here is a great guide to help teach tech to seniors.
If you are the one doing the teaching, here is a great guide to help teach tech to seniors.
I won’t give you homework like finding friends from high school or using Google Earth to walk down your street. (But you've got to admit those sound kind of interesting!)
Yes,I do understand that things like passwords and email addresses and saving documents and pictures can be frustrating and challenging, but getting comfortable with these technologies will lessen frustration and open a new world for you and a way to explore your curiosity and create new goals.
Go ahead – you have a new goal now. Have fun!
You're welcome,
Loretta
Yes,I do understand that things like passwords and email addresses and saving documents and pictures can be frustrating and challenging, but getting comfortable with these technologies will lessen frustration and open a new world for you and a way to explore your curiosity and create new goals.
Go ahead – you have a new goal now. Have fun!
You're welcome,
Loretta
Welcome to my new podcast,
Resources for a Modern Retirement!
I’m Loretta Saff, and I am pleased to bring to you - the retiree or ‘almost’ retiree - ideas and resources for what to do and who to contact once the retirement party is over.
Retirement is not "One Size Fits All.” And a Modern Retirement includes planning for the next 20-30 years! Spending time involved in activities that YOU truly enjoy and that make you feel fulfilled is the key to success on the journey. But how do you find out what is out there?
I hope this podcast helps.
Enjoy!
https://www.coachingwithloretta.com/videos.html
Retirement is not "One Size Fits All.” And a Modern Retirement includes planning for the next 20-30 years! Spending time involved in activities that YOU truly enjoy and that make you feel fulfilled is the key to success on the journey. But how do you find out what is out there?
I hope this podcast helps.
Enjoy!
https://www.coachingwithloretta.com/videos.html
"Most folks are about as happy
as they make up their minds to be."
-Abraham Lincoln
I remember when my 60th birthday was getting closer. I checked twice to make sure I had done the math correctly, and when the numbers added up, the first thing I thought was, “But hey, I’m not OLD!”
60 is a big number. It’s full of heavy words like "Social Security" and "Medicare", "Osteoporosis", and "Senior Moments." I was turning 60, but I didn’t FEEL 60.
I looked in the mirror and said out loud, “Why not think about 60 with more positive words like, “Wiser”, “Sassier”, and “Bring it on!” That’s when I decided to have some fun. Carrie Underwood had just recorded her hit song, “Before He Cheats.” The music was great; it was country, and we had recently moved to Nashville! Why not write some new lyrics for it, expressing exactly how I felt about turning 60!
60 is a big number. It’s full of heavy words like "Social Security" and "Medicare", "Osteoporosis", and "Senior Moments." I was turning 60, but I didn’t FEEL 60.
I looked in the mirror and said out loud, “Why not think about 60 with more positive words like, “Wiser”, “Sassier”, and “Bring it on!” That’s when I decided to have some fun. Carrie Underwood had just recorded her hit song, “Before He Cheats.” The music was great; it was country, and we had recently moved to Nashville! Why not write some new lyrics for it, expressing exactly how I felt about turning 60!
I was turning 60, but I didn’t FEEL 60.
And so I did:
Title: SHE’S NOT OLD
(to be sung to the tune of “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood)
spoken: "I just turned 60, and here’s what I think about it.”
Right now, you’re probably just thinkin’
It’ll be hard work when I’m blowing out the candles
Right now, you’re probably just thinkin’
I should buy a house dress and some Dr. Scholl’s sandals
Right now, you’re probably just feelin’
I should nap to get ready for a big game of BINGO
What you don’t know
chorus:
I threw the pieces all over the yard
It was my A A R P membership card
(to be sung to the tune of “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood)
spoken: "I just turned 60, and here’s what I think about it.”
Right now, you’re probably just thinkin’
It’ll be hard work when I’m blowing out the candles
Right now, you’re probably just thinkin’
I should buy a house dress and some Dr. Scholl’s sandals
Right now, you’re probably just feelin’
I should nap to get ready for a big game of BINGO
What you don’t know
chorus:
I threw the pieces all over the yard
It was my A A R P membership card
I got Botox in each and every fold
No early bird special or senior day,
I joined a gym and I know the way
So, don’t you dare call me OLD
Right now you’re probably just thinkin’
I should sit up on the porch and discuss my constipation
No early bird special or senior day,
I joined a gym and I know the way
So, don’t you dare call me OLD
Right now you’re probably just thinkin’
I should sit up on the porch and discuss my constipation
Right now, you’re probably just guessin’
That I’d like a bus tour for my summertime vacation
Right now, you’re probably just thinkin’
That I’m sassy cause my hormones are low
But you don’t know
Repeat Chorus
I threw the pieces all over the yard
It was my A A R P membership card
I got Botox in each and every fold
No early bird special or senior day
I joined a gym and I know the way
So, don’t you dare call me OLD
Just tryin’ to save a little trouble for the next girl
So the next time you hear 60,
Don’t call her OLD!
That I’d like a bus tour for my summertime vacation
Right now, you’re probably just thinkin’
That I’m sassy cause my hormones are low
But you don’t know
Repeat Chorus
I threw the pieces all over the yard
It was my A A R P membership card
I got Botox in each and every fold
No early bird special or senior day
I joined a gym and I know the way
So, don’t you dare call me OLD
Just tryin’ to save a little trouble for the next girl
So the next time you hear 60,
Don’t call her OLD!
Of course, not wanting to be called ‘Old” at 60 is not much different from the other stages in life that when we decide we want to be a different age:
Age 2-3: WE WANT TO BE OLDER
“Can I go to school?” “I want a backpack!”
Age 6-9: WE WANT TO BE YOUNGER
“Watch me! Say I’m doing good, too - like you do when you watch my little brother!”
Age 10-12: WE WANT TO BE OLDER
“Why can’t I wear makeup?"
Age 30-50: WE WANT TO BE YOUNGER
“Yeah, I just got a facelift and dyed my hair, so what?”
“Can I go to school?” “I want a backpack!”
Age 6-9: WE WANT TO BE YOUNGER
“Watch me! Say I’m doing good, too - like you do when you watch my little brother!”
Age 10-12: WE WANT TO BE OLDER
“Why can’t I wear makeup?"
Age 30-50: WE WANT TO BE YOUNGER
“Yeah, I just got a facelift and dyed my hair, so what?”
As a retirement coach, I hear musings from clients about reaching their 60s and 70s.
“What does it all mean?"
"Will I be treated differently?”
And, really, “How will I find happiness?”
"Will I be treated differently?”
And, really, “How will I find happiness?”
Regardless of how old you are, having a POSITIVE ATTITUDE can make all the
difference. Try it when dealing with words like
“SOCIAL SECURITY” - “Wow! This extra money is awesome!” Or,
“MEDICARE” - “Fantastic! It really does pay my medical bills!”
Positive thinking means making the most of the situation you are in. When I turned 60, I didn’t mope. I wrote new lyrics to Carrie Underwood’s song, and then I went out and bought a hat and some fancy cowboy boots.
Don’t let getting older lead you down a path of scary words that you think mean negative things. Be more optimistic and positive. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, here’s a list of some of what you will get in return:
difference. Try it when dealing with words like
“SOCIAL SECURITY” - “Wow! This extra money is awesome!” Or,
“MEDICARE” - “Fantastic! It really does pay my medical bills!”
Positive thinking means making the most of the situation you are in. When I turned 60, I didn’t mope. I wrote new lyrics to Carrie Underwood’s song, and then I went out and bought a hat and some fancy cowboy boots.
Don’t let getting older lead you down a path of scary words that you think mean negative things. Be more optimistic and positive. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, here’s a list of some of what you will get in return:
- Better stress management and coping skills
- Enhanced psychological health
- Greater resistance to the Common Cold
- Increased physical well-being
- Longer life span
- Lower rates of depression
- Reduced risk of cardiovascular disease-related death
And who doesn’t want all that?
Life is Full of Choices.
I Choose Happiness.
What’s your choice?
Loretta
Well, I knew it was bound to happen. The combined stress caused by the perfect storm of Halloween and COVID -19 together has brought a lot of requests for my services as a Life/Retirement/Transition Coach. This time, I immediately thought the answer was group coaching.
Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note.
Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them:
Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note.
Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them:
Wanda, the Witch
Cornelia, the Candy Corn
Casper, the Friendly Ghost
Terry, the Tarantula
Peter, the Pumpkin
Cornelia, the Candy Corn
Casper, the Friendly Ghost
Terry, the Tarantula
Peter, the Pumpkin
I asked each in turn “What is going on?” and here are their answers:
 | Wanda: “It’s becoming more and more common. You’ve seen it, and you’ve probably even laughed at it. Well, last week it happened to me.” |
SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree
I gave her a questioning look.
“I was on my broom and one of my earbuds fell out. I had to look down to retrieve it - and SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree. I heard people laughing! Why didn’t my radar warn me about the tree? Am I getting too old? Should I retire?”
Cornelia: She spoke softly and made eye contact with each member of the group.
“Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.”
She teared up.
“Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.”
She teared up.
Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire - right?
“At least I WAS easy to eat. I’m the most fun to eat by the handful! And, I mean, really, with COVID-19 people don’t want to eat anything by the handful!”
She started to sob.
“I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?”
She started to sob.
“I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?”
Casper was next.
Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'"
He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.
Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'"
He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.
“That’s right; I’m a non-conformist. I’d rather make friends than scare people. I know I’m different from the rest of the haunt team, but it is who I am. I like people; I’ve made friends before. I don’t like scaring them.”
Wanda started to snicker.
“Whoever heard of a friendly ghost?” she muttered. I had to shhh! her.
“And now there is COVID-19,” Casper continued. “People can’t even be with their regular friends, so you can bet no one wants to talk to a friendly ghost! What should I do? I have a lot of years ahead of me!”
Then it was Terry’s turn.
Terry: “Ha – you think you guys have issues? You think you don’t know what to do ‘next’? When I was a little tiny tarantula, my Mama told me I was cute. Then I left the nest, and it all ended.”
He looked around, daring people to challenge him.
He looked around, daring people to challenge him.
“I remember the first time I became aware of Halloween! Look around, guys! Do you notice how many phony spiders people put out – on the lawn/on the bushes/crawling up the front of the house! THEY ARE ALL TARANTULAS! What do you think this does to my self-image?”
Everyone got quiet.
“I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?”
Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered.
I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.”
Everyone got quiet.
“I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?”
Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered.
I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.”
"Let's face it, the pumpkin is the
symbol for both Fall and Halloween"
Peter: “Well, in comparison, maybe my problem is not so bad. I mean, let’s face it, the pumpkin is the symbol for both Fall and Halloween."
“I know, I’ve been pretty lucky over the years - always the one up front – inside and outside – enjoying the popularity and fun.
His voice softened.
“But then, enter plastic and inflatables. Enter strange colors and shapes. How can I keep up with those inexpensive, use year-to-year decorations? Even on the flavor side – so many cheaper, easy-to-use imitations! In chips/pancake mix/coffee – even donuts!
People are pumpkin crazy, but they are not using the real thing!”
He looked up at me and sighed.
“And now COVID-19. There used to be pumpkin carving parties. Now no one is gathering groups together to sit close and carve. I may be able to hold out for a few more years, but I need a plan, a new direction. Should I retire?”
I let the air settle for a few minutes. Group sessions are not easy. A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.
I decided there was only one answer and it applied to the whole group.
“I think,” (I said carefully)
“The answer for all of you is the same:
1. Decide what you really want.
2. Think of ways to reidentify yourself.
3. Find a new path to reach your goal. "
“The answer for all of you is the same:
1. Decide what you really want.
2. Think of ways to reidentify yourself.
3. Find a new path to reach your goal. "
Ask yourself important questions like:
Wanda – How much of who you are is your broom?
Cornelia – In what other ways can the world use candy corn?
Casper & Terry – Especially during this time of COVID-19, it’s best you stay under the radar. What if you two got together and taught a class about ghosts and spiders on Zoom?
Peter – With a legacy like yours, why not share your life story with the rest of the world? Who do you know that can help with the writing?
Cornelia – In what other ways can the world use candy corn?
Casper & Terry – Especially during this time of COVID-19, it’s best you stay under the radar. What if you two got together and taught a class about ghosts and spiders on Zoom?
Peter – With a legacy like yours, why not share your life story with the rest of the world? Who do you know that can help with the writing?
A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.
Before I left the room, I looked around and smiled. “Of course, If you want to talk more about planning for the days and years ahead, give me a call!”
As the door shut, I heard Casper shout:
“That was amazing! Ok, everybody, MASKS ON – Let’s have a Group Hug!”
~ HAPPY HALLOWEEN ~
-Loretta
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
Archives
May 2022
March 2022
February 2022
January 2022
December 2021
October 2021
September 2021
July 2021
June 2021
April 2021
March 2021
February 2021
January 2021
October 2020
September 2020
July 2020
June 2020
April 2020
January 2020
December 2019
October 2019
July 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
September 2018
August 2018
March 2018
February 2016
Categories
All
Children
Couples
Decision Making
Grandparenting
Holiday Tips
Life Strategies
Make Happy A Habit
Parenting
Personal Empowerment
Resources For A Modern Retirement
Retirement
Social Distancing
Technology
Videos
Zoom
RSS Feed
