Category: Personal Empowerment

A Halloween Group Hug

10/11/2022

Well, I knew it was bound to happen. The combined stress caused by the perfect storm of Halloween and COVID -19 together has brought a lot of requests for my services as a Life/Retirement/Transition Coach. This time, I immediately thought the answer was group coaching.

Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note.

Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them:

Wanda, the Witch
Cornelia, the Candy Corn
Casper, the Friendly Ghost
Terry, the Tarantula
Peter, the Pumpkin

I asked each in turn “What is going on?” and here are their answers:

Wanda: “It’s becoming more and more common. You’ve seen it, and you’ve probably even laughed at it. Well, last week it happened to me.”

SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree

I gave her a questioning look.

“I was on my broom and one of my earbuds fell out. I had to look down to retrieve it - and SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree. I heard people laughing! Why didn’t my radar warn me about the tree? Am I getting too old? Should I retire?”

Cornelia: She spoke softly and made eye contact with each member of the group.

“Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.”

She teared up.

Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire - right?

“At least I WAS easy to eat. I’m the most fun to eat by the handful! And, I mean, really, with COVID-19 people don’t want to eat anything by the handful!”

She started to sob.

“I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?”

Casper was next.

Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'"

He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.

“That’s right; I’m a non-conformist. I’d rather make friends than scare people. I know I’m different from the rest of the haunt team, but it is who I am. I like people; I’ve made friends before. I don’t like scaring them.”

Wanda started to snicker.

“Whoever heard of a friendly ghost?” she muttered. I had to shhh! her.

“And now there is COVID-19,” Casper continued. “People can’t even be with their regular friends, so you can bet no one wants to talk to a friendly ghost! What should I do? I have a lot of years ahead of me!”

Then it was Terry’s turn.

Terry: “Ha – you think you guys have issues? You think you don’t know what to do ‘next’? When I was a little tiny tarantula, my Mama told me I was cute. Then I left the nest, and it all ended.”

He looked around, daring people to challenge him.

He looked around, daring people to challenge him.

“I remember the first time I became aware of Halloween! Look around, guys! Do you notice how many phony spiders people put out – on the lawn/on the bushes/crawling up the front of the house! THEY ARE ALL TARANTULAS! What do you think this does to my self-image?”

Everyone got quiet.

“I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?”

Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered.

I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.”

"Let's face it, the pumpkin is the
symbol for both Fall and Halloween"

Peter: “Well, in comparison, maybe my problem is not so bad. I mean, let’s face it, the pumpkin is the symbol for both Fall and Halloween."

“I know, I’ve been pretty lucky over the years - always the one up front – inside and outside – enjoying the popularity and fun.

His voice softened.

“But then, enter plastic and inflatables. Enter strange colors and shapes. How can I keep up with those inexpensive, use year-to-year decorations? Even on the flavor side – so many cheaper, easy-to-use imitations! In chips/pancake mix/coffee – even donuts!

People are pumpkin crazy, but they are not using the real thing!”

He looked up at me and sighed.

“And now COVID-19. There used to be pumpkin carving parties. Now no one is gathering groups together to sit close and carve. I may be able to hold out for a few more years, but I need a plan, a new direction. Should I retire?”

I let the air settle for a few minutes. Group sessions are not easy. A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.

I decided there was only one answer and it applied to the whole group.

“I think,” (I said carefully)
“The answer for all of you is the same:
1. Decide what you really want.
2. Think of ways to reidentify yourself.
3. Find a new path to reach your goal. "

Ask yourself important questions like:

Wanda – How much of who you are is your broom?
Cornelia – In what other ways can the world use candy corn?
Casper & Terry – Especially during this time of COVID-19, it’s best you stay under the radar. What if you two got together and taught a class about ghosts and spiders on Zoom?
Peter – With a legacy like yours, why not share your life story with the rest of the world? Who do you know that can help with the writing?

A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.

Before I left the room, I looked around and smiled. “Of course, If you want to talk more about planning for the days and years ahead, give me a call!”

As the door shut, I heard Casper shout:

“That was amazing! Ok, everybody, MASKS ON – Let’s have a Group Hug!”

~ HAPPY HALLOWEEN ~

-Loretta

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GUARD YOUR RETIREMENT - Avoid the Dark Side!

7/12/2022

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While traveling recently, I was introduced to someone from Brazil. When I told him I was a Life Coach with a specialty in Retirement, he was intrigued. The conversation went something like this:

He: Interesting. I recently watched a documentary about retirement in the U.S. If you don’t mind, I have a question.

Me: Sure, go ahead and ask.

He: Well, one thing really surprised me. Is it true when a person retires in the U.S., they are assigned a LEGAL GUARDIAN?

A Legal Guardian at Retirement? No!

Needless to say, I was surprised. Perhaps the film dealt with financial planning or offered other suggestions for protecting one’s assets during retirement. Somehow, he had come away with a very strange conclusion.

Note: Many people in the U.S. take legal steps to assign Power of Attorney to a family member or trusted friend as part of their Estate Planning. This gives that person the legal authority to care for the personal and property interests of someone who has become physically or mentally impaired.

A legal guardian is similar in nature, but the guardian is assigned through an extensive court proceeding rather than through the wishes of the individual. Obviously, neither is an automatic factor of retirement.

Guard Against the Dark Side

What I did not share with him - and what I really don’t like to linger on here because our focus in these pages is the power of positivity – is the fact that after retiring some people do experience the dark side of retirement. Simply put, the dark side of retirement has to do with feeling lost, useless, depressed, and simply without validation. Sitting in the house all day with little to do is very boring and lonely; the spiraling down can even lead to exploring the liquor cabinet.

For some, the lack of purpose that comes with retirement is very hard and finding the positive can be difficult and they can no longer handle their own affairs. If you or anyone you know is experiencing depression or having trouble shifting a negative mindset, I encourage reaching out to a good therapist or consulting with your primary care physician. There is help!

Focus on the Bright Side

Happily, what most people can look forward to is the bright side of retirement!

And, indeed, there is a bright side – time to do the things you really enjoy, opportunities for creative and exciting adventures, satisfaction of embracing the new and nurturing the tried and true. It involves PLANNING, and there are a few simple things you can do now to make YOUR future look bright.

Step One: PHYSICAL

Start now to build an exercise routine. This does not require a gym membership or a Lulu Lemon outfit. If you are new at it, start with 10 minutes and watch yourself build up to 30.

Step Two: MENTAL

Set your mind to being more positive every day. Make things happen. What are you are really good at and enjoy doing? Spend a little time starting up again. (Photography? Learning a language? Volunteer?)

Step Three: SOCIAL

Make sure your friends and social connections are not all associated with your work. You’ll have new friends thanks to step two! And…, get rid of negativity. If relationships are hard to break, try to interact less often.

Step Four: SPIRITUAL

This is not an edict for religion. Instead find time to bring significance to your daily routine. How can you contribute? How can you feel satisfied? Oh yes, and perform a random act of kindness every day.

That’s it. I’ve tried to make it short and sweet. Whether you are following these suggestions yourself or if you are a Power of Attorney or a Legal Guardian trying to help the person in your care, working through these four steps is bound to lead to positive and impactful benefits in the years ahead.

Loretta

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A SENSE OF BELONGING - It's a Basic Human Need

3/2/2022

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I recently worked with an executive who was thinking about retirement. In one of our initial sessions, I asked him about his hobbies.

“HOBBIES? HOBBIES?
Loretta, do you really think I have time for HOBBIES?!” he ranted.

Rather than wait for him to work out why I was asking, I quickly changed the wording. “OK,” I said. “Let’s try it this way: What are you good at and enjoy doing such that you completely lose track of time?”

This made him pause. He knew he was good at a lot of things, but it had been so long since he had done many of them that he wasn’t sure he still could. He began to realize that he had been so steeped in his work and glued to his schedule that he rarely did what he liked to do. And…, if he took time for himself, he felt selfish!

Call them HOBBIES or PASSIONS or even INTERESTS, making time in your life for things you enjoy - whether you are 25 or 65 - is important.

It’s important for your emotional wellbeing; it’s important for your mental stimulation and…IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT FOR RETIREMENT.

Retirement can be lonely. Sure, you can find yourself newly retired and then decide to ‘do what I want to do when I want to do it!’ Your search may take a little longer and be a lot more difficult than if you had started years ago, but yes, you can begin after the Retirement Party.

If, on the other hand, you have already been involved in a few activities you enjoy before you retire, you have a head start on interacting with people who share your interests. Let me remind you, the feeling of belonging is one of our basic human needs. Yes, right up there with food and shelter.

When a person stops working, that sense of belonging, of being ‘included’ or identified as part of a team/company/title can slip away. Some people feel like outsiders in their own life. That’s why it is important – starting today - to make time for the things you really enjoy doing.

If you still need more convincing to get started now, here are three reasons that are backed by science:

1 - BETTER WORK PERFORMANCE

A study in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology finds marked differences between those who engage in hobbies and those who do not. This includes a better attitude at work and more creativity on projects.

2 - IMPROVED PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH

A study of enjoyable leisure activities measured by Pittsburgh Enjoyable Activities Test (PEAT) shows “Higher PEAT scores were associated with lower blood pressure, total cortisol, waist circumference, and body mass index, and perceptions of better physical function.

3 - REDUCED STRESS

A study by Matthew Zawadzki, a health psychologist at the University of California, shows that leisure activity can provide immediate stress relief, which has been shown to have both health and psychological benefits, like improved focus, happiness and a longer life.

…and who wouldn’t be impressed by those reasons!

So, get started. Explore how to get involved in activities you’ve put aside or always wanted to learn more about. You will make new friends (outside of work), enjoy sharing an interest, and have fun being around others who like to do what you do. And Happy Retirement, whenever that is!

-Loretta
P.S. In case you missed it, recently the Mars Wrigley Corporation (owner of M&Ms) made some changes you can read about here. They decided their multicolored mascots were not reaching all of society in their ads. A change was necessary “to create a world where everyone feels they belong."

Photo from Today.com

Start planning for retirement NOW to avoid finding yourself spending your days at home in front of the TV - with a bowl of M&Ms!

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Podcast Episode 4: In Retirement, Be a Teacher, a Student, ... or Both!

12/3/2021

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Episode 4 focuses on being a lifelong learner.

What if I told you that you can take noncredit courses on university campuses with no assignments or grades?

In my conversation with retired Vanderbilt University Professor Dr. Ed Friedman, we talk about resources for retirees who love learning. Whether you want to be the student or the teacher, the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute (OLLI) offers intellectually stimulating ways to fill your days in retirement as well as a chance to meet people with similar interests.

WATCH PODCAST

About our Episode Guest

Edward H. Friedman
Retired Vanderbilt University Professor & Osher Life Long Learning Program teacher
edward.h.friedman@vanderbilt.edu
Olli (Osher Lifelong Learing Institute)

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I've Got a (Second) Secret - a Tech Talk

9/24/2021

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Warning
This blog may offend you. In it I speak to you straight,
no beating around the bush.

Yes, I’ve got a second secret. Remember when I told you that one of the first secrets of dealing with adjusting to changes in life - including enjoying a successful retirement - is having a positive attitude? Well, that is absolutely right. (If you slept through that lesson, go back and read it again.)

But there is more. Regardless of how old you are, I’m pretty sure you do not want to face years of waking up wondering what you can do today and why you should do it. I’m pretty sure your goals do not include lack of curiosity and years of watching others enjoy their days feeling full of purpose, while you sit in front of the TV. If I’m wrong, skip this blog and check today’s tv guide.

That said, here is my second secret:

Learn How To Use Technology!

Yes, you read that correctly. It won’t help for you to whine or squirm or say things like, “I’m too old” “It’s too hard” “Leave me alone.” In fact, you won’t even have to say the “Leave me alone” part because that train will have already left the station.

Plainly speaking, if you don't attempt to learn the basics of using the computer and your smart phone, you will be left out...

... of both the virtual world and increasingly many IRL "in real life" events as well. I'm talking about activities such as booking and confirming appointments and events with friends, doctors, restaurants / listening to music and watching TV and movies / communicating with the world outside your home.

There, I’ve said it. So put on your big boy/girl pants and get ready to learn.

Let's Start By Asking the Right Questions

1. WHO?

Who needs to learn and Who can teach

WHO needs to learn? You do! Yes, you - along with anyone else who feels like they don't have a good basic grasp of current smart phone and internet technology or who simply does not want to be left out.

Who can teach? The first people I recommend for you to turn to is your family -

Significant Other
Kids/Grandkids
Aunts
Uncles
Cousins
Results of ancestry.com

If those come up empty, try friends and neighbors or a volunteer organization. You may have to pay some of these people but trust me, it will be worth it. Maybe you can barter - bake/consult/garden, or offer a skill in which you excel.

The point is don’t be shy or try to overthink it. Just do it.

2. WHAT?

What technology should you master first?

The basics of the computer hardware – keyboard/screen/mouse/video camera or touchpad/power, printer, etc.
Then, basic usage of those devices: accessing and searching the internet/reading and writing emails/ joining a Zoom meeting / accessing news or entertainment, etc.
I am assuming you already have some sort of phone to stay in touch. Ask for lessons on how to use it beyond dialing a number, including text and instant messaging. That is how much of the world communicates now.

My purpose is not to scold or belittle. My purpose is to get you in touch with what is out there today – sort of like my podcast, RESOURCES FOR A MODERN RETIREMENT – to help you help yourself enjoy every day to its fullest.

3. WHERE?

Where should I learn?

Wherever it is easiest for you. If you don’t have a computer, ask the person who will teach you if you can work on theirs. If you can afford it, then purchase a computer (desktop or laptop), tablet, smartphone, or other electronic device. If someone who cares about your future would like to buy you a gift, put it on the list. In the meantime, practice your lessons by going to the library or borrowing a device.

4. WHEN?

When is the right time to start learning?

Now. Today. Get Started.

5. WHY?

Why do I need to learn this stuff now?
I don't even need or want a device.

You need to learn this so you won’t be left behind. The reality is that the world is now more digital than not. Most individuals and businesses communicate via text message and/or email. Want to find a phone number or address? ... it's online. Can't find the manual for your vacuum? ... it's online. Need to access your banking information without going to the bank? ... it's online. Want to watch a movie? ... it's online. Especially in the age of Covid, everything you need can be accessed virtually, if you know how.

and

6. HOW?

How do I find the information I need to learn?

There are lots of ways for you to learn. If you already know how to get online to the internet, YouTube is a great resource for "how-tos". If you aren't comfortable yet searching online, take a trip to your local library or bookstore. Ask for the "Dummies" series of books on digital literacy. The National Institute on Aging has some helpful glossaries of computer and internet terms. Go ahead, try those.

If you are the one doing the teaching, here is a great guide to help teach tech to seniors.

I won’t give you homework like finding friends from high school or using Google Earth to walk down your street. (But you've got to admit those sound kind of interesting!)

Yes,I do understand that things like passwords and email addresses and saving documents and pictures can be frustrating and challenging, but getting comfortable with these technologies will lessen frustration and open a new world for you and a way to explore your curiosity and create new goals.

Go ahead – you have a new goal now. Have fun!

You're welcome,
Loretta

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My New Podcast: Resources for a Modern Retirement

3/16/2021

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Welcome to my new podcast,
Resources for a Modern Retirement!

I’m Loretta Saff, and I am pleased to bring to you - the retiree or ‘almost’ retiree - ideas and resources for what to do and who to contact once the retirement party is over.

Retirement is not "One Size Fits All.” And a Modern Retirement includes planning for the next 20-30 years! Spending time involved in activities that YOU truly enjoy and that make you feel fulfilled is the key to success on the journey. But how do you find out what is out there?

I hope this podcast helps.

Enjoy!

https://www.coachingwithloretta.com/videos.html

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<<Previous

A Halloween Group Hug

SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree

Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire - right?

He looked around, daring people to challenge him.

"Let's face it, the pumpkin is the
symbol for both Fall and Halloween"

A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.

GUARD YOUR RETIREMENT - Avoid the Dark Side!

A Legal Guardian at Retirement? No!

Guard Against the Dark Side

Focus on the Bright Side

Happily, what most people can look forward to is the bright side of retirement!

Step One: PHYSICAL

Step Two: MENTAL

Step Three: SOCIAL

Step Four: SPIRITUAL

A SENSE OF BELONGING - It's a Basic Human Need

“HOBBIES? HOBBIES?
Loretta, do you really think I have time for HOBBIES?!” he ranted.

Call them HOBBIES or PASSIONS or even INTERESTS, making time in your life for things you enjoy - whether you are 25 or 65 - is important.

If you still need more convincing to get started now, here are three reasons that are backed by science:

1 - BETTER WORK PERFORMANCE

2 - IMPROVED PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH

3 - REDUCED STRESS

…and who wouldn’t be impressed by those reasons!

Start planning for retirement NOW to avoid finding yourself spending your days at home in front of the TV - with a bowl of M&Ms!

Podcast Episode 4: In Retirement, Be a Teacher, a Student, ... or Both!

Episode 4 focuses on being a lifelong learner.

About our Episode Guest

I've Got a (Second) Secret - a Tech Talk

Warning
This blog may offend you. In it I speak to you straight,
no beating around the bush.

Learn How To Use Technology!

Let's Start By Asking the Right Questions

My New Podcast: Resources for a Modern Retirement

Welcome to my new podcast,
Resources for a Modern Retirement!

Author

Archives

Categories

Email or call to set up a FREE 15-minute introductory phone session!

Telephone

Email

A Halloween Group Hug

SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree

Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire - right?

He looked around, daring people to challenge him.

"Let's face it, the pumpkin is the​symbol for both Fall and Halloween"

A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.

GUARD YOUR RETIREMENT - Avoid the Dark Side!

A Legal Guardian at Retirement? No!

Guard Against the Dark Side

Focus on the Bright Side

Happily, what most people can look forward to is the bright side of retirement!

Step One: PHYSICAL

Step Two: MENTAL

Step Three: SOCIAL

Step Four: SPIRITUAL

A SENSE OF BELONGING - It's a Basic Human Need

“HOBBIES? HOBBIES?​Loretta, do you really think I have time for HOBBIES?!” he ranted.

Call them HOBBIES or PASSIONS or even INTERESTS, making time in your life for things you enjoy - whether you are 25 or 65 - is important.

If you still need more convincing to get started now, here are three reasons that are backed by science:

1 - BETTER WORK PERFORMANCE

2 - IMPROVED PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH

3 - REDUCED STRESS

…and who wouldn’t be impressed by those reasons!

Start planning for retirement NOW to avoid finding yourself spending your days at home in front of the TV - with a bowl of M&Ms!

Podcast Episode 4: In Retirement, Be a Teacher, a Student, ... or Both!

Episode 4 focuses on being a lifelong learner.

About our Episode Guest

I've Got a (Second) Secret - a Tech Talk

*Warning*This blog may offend you. In it I speak to you straight,no beating around the bush.

Learn How To Use Technology!

Let's Start By Asking the Right Questions

My New Podcast: Resources for a Modern Retirement

Welcome to my new podcast,​Resources for a Modern Retirement!

Author

Archives

Categories

Email or call to set up a FREE 15-minute introductory phone session!

Telephone

Email

"Let's face it, the pumpkin is the
symbol for both Fall and Halloween"

“HOBBIES? HOBBIES?
Loretta, do you really think I have time for HOBBIES?!” he ranted.

Warning
This blog may offend you. In it I speak to you straight,
no beating around the bush.

Welcome to my new podcast,
Resources for a Modern Retirement!