 As we adjust to the Fall season and all of the joys that come along with cooler weather, leaves changing color and cozying up in our favorite sweater, I find there is another common feeling during this season. So, I wanted to reshare last year's Halloween post, which still resonates. ~~ Lately, I've gotten a lot of requests for my services as a Life/Retirement/Transition Coach. This time, I immediately thought the answer was group coaching. Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note. Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them:  I asked each in turn “What is going on?” and here are their answers:  I gave her a questioning look. “I was on my broom and one of my earbuds fell out. I had to look down to retrieve it - and SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree. I heard people laughing! Why didn’t my radar warn me about the tree? Am I getting too old? Should I retire?” Cornelia: She spoke softly and made eye contact with each member of the group. “Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.” She teared up.  “At least I WAS easy to eat. I’m the most fun to eat by the handful! And, I mean, really, with COVID-19 people don’t want to eat anything by the handful!” She started to sob. “I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?” Casper was next. Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'" He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.  “That’s right; I’m a non-conformist. I’d rather make friends than scare people. I know I’m different from the rest of the haunt team, but it is who I am. I like people; I’ve made friends before. I don’t like scaring them.” Wanda started to snicker. “Whoever heard of a friendly ghost?” she muttered. I had to shhh! her. “And now there is COVID-19,” Casper continued. “People can’t even be with their regular friends, so you can bet no one wants to talk to a friendly ghost! What should I do? I have a lot of years ahead of me!” Then it was Terry’s turn. Terry: “Ha – you think you guys have issues? You think you don’t know what to do ‘next’? When I was a little tiny tarantula, my Mama told me I was cute. Then I left the nest, and it all ended.” He looked around, daring people to challenge him.  “I remember the first time I became aware of Halloween! Look around, guys! Do you notice how many phony spiders people put out – on the lawn/on the bushes/crawling up the front of the house! THEY ARE ALL TARANTULAS! What do you think this does to my self-image?” Everyone got quiet. “I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?” Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered. I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.”  Peter: “Well, in comparison, maybe my problem is not so bad. I mean, let’s face it, the pumpkin is the symbol for both Fall and Halloween."  “I know, I’ve been pretty lucky over the years - always the one up front – inside and outside – enjoying the popularity and fun. His voice softened. “But then, enter plastic and inflatables. Enter strange colors and shapes. How can I keep up with those inexpensive, use year-to-year decorations? Even on the flavor side – so many cheaper, easy-to-use imitations! In chips/pancake mix/coffee – even donuts! People are pumpkin crazy, but they are not using the real thing!” He looked up at me and sighed. “And now COVID-19. There used to be pumpkin carving parties. Now no one is gathering groups together to sit close and carve. I may be able to hold out for a few more years, but I need a plan, a new direction. Should I retire?” I let the air settle for a few minutes. Group sessions are not easy. A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse. I decided there was only one answer and it applied to the whole group.  Ask yourself important questions like   Before I left the room, I looked around and smiled. “Of course, If you want to talk more about planning for the days and years ahead, give me a call!”
As the door shut, I heard Casper shout: “That was amazing! Ok, everybody, MASKS ON – Let’s have a Group Hug!” ~ HAPPY HALLOWEEN ~ -Loretta
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Here’s the quote most often heard from people discussing plans for retirement: "One of the main things I plan to do when I retire is TRAVEL." If you have followed me long enough or simply know me well, you are familiar with the four areas of non-financial retirement I discuss, preach, talk about, and emphasize that are necessary to prepare for retirement: mental, physical, social, and spiritual. Today I’m writing this column while traveling abroad, and I dedicate it to all of you who are saying, "One of the main things I plan to do |
| (This scene is real, from Como, Italy, 2023.) |  |
(This really happened to me.) Seven minutes later, the station is in sight. But so are the three flights of steps to get to the station! If you are in shape, this Sisyphusian* challenge for you and your new four-wheeled friend that now includes several treasured souvenirs might just be manageable. Make sure you are physically fit!
Those are four very good reasons that I always ask you about physical fitness as you prepare for retirement. Travel is exciting, educational, interesting, and fun. It may be harder today, but when you are physically fit, you will be better prepared to handle ‘stuff’ that can happen. I wish everyone a fun summer full of friends, family, adventure and very few travel challenges.
BON VOYAGE!
Loretta
*In Greek mythology Zeus punished Sisyphus by forcing him to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity.
P.S. I’d love to hear your travel stories and how glad you were to have physically prepared for the challenges and the fun.
Tell me: loretta@coachingwithloretta.com
*In Greek mythology Zeus punished Sisyphus by forcing him to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity.
P.S. I’d love to hear your travel stories and how glad you were to have physically prepared for the challenges and the fun.
Tell me: loretta@coachingwithloretta.com
Last week my phone rang showing a number I did not recognize. I answered it anyway because you know, sometimes you just do. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hello?
A Voice said: Hello! A couple of years ago you helped my friend The Elf on the Shelf spread his message on social media, so I’m calling hoping you can give ME a little help.
Me: Uh, who is this?
Voice: I’m Moshe, THE MENSCH ON A BENCH. Like Elf, I try to remind Jewish people - actually all people - to be thoughtful, kind, and considerate.
A Voice said: Hello! A couple of years ago you helped my friend The Elf on the Shelf spread his message on social media, so I’m calling hoping you can give ME a little help.
Me: Uh, who is this?
Voice: I’m Moshe, THE MENSCH ON A BENCH. Like Elf, I try to remind Jewish people - actually all people - to be thoughtful, kind, and considerate.
The Mensch: I’m hoping you will come with me to this year’s Chanukah Board Meeting! In case you don’t know, it’s when THE JEWISH BIG FOUR meet to find ways to make sure Chanukah will be meaningful, joyous, and fun. They are always trying hard to be heard above the jingle bells and songs about Rudolph!
(I was intrigued – How does he know Elf? Who are the BIG FOUR? And back then did I actually agree to help spread the word?)
Me: Go on.
Mr. M: This is my first year, and I have a really good suggestion. Come with me and you can put it in your blog about the importance of being a Mensch!
Mr. M: This is my first year, and I have a really good suggestion. Come with me and you can put it in your blog about the importance of being a Mensch!
And that’s how I ended up at
THE CHANUKAH BOARD MEETING.
Here’s what happened:
When we walked in, I could hardly believe it - In attendance was the entire Chanukah gang – Sharon/David/Hannah/and Leo. I sat quietly and waited.
The meeting was called to order by the Chairwoman, Sharon.
She said a quick hello and reminded everyone this was to be a short meeting, so no refreshments. Then, she asked each board member to introduce themselves. She started:
The meeting was called to order by the Chairwoman, Sharon.
She said a quick hello and reminded everyone this was to be a short meeting, so no refreshments. Then, she asked each board member to introduce themselves. She started:
I’m Sharon Shamis, the lead candle, The Head of the Festival of Light |
|
She looked to her left and nodded to the blue guy:
Hello - I’m David Dreidel, the playful one, he said. |
|
He was twisting and turning and suddenly, he dropped. Then he looked up and smiled. Ha! he laughed; I just landed on GIMMEL!
Sharon nodded to the next member:
Sharon nodded to the next member:
How do you do … board members and guests, Because I have nine branches for the Chanukah candles, my real name is Hannah Hanukieh. Then she smiled shyly, and added, but I also answer to the name ‘Menorah! |
|
Then Sharon motioned to the last one …,
Hi! I’m Leo Latke - Sometimes known as “Leo ‘the grate’!” Get it? – Grate - as in potato! Everybody likes me - whether with apple sauce or sour cream! And no worries, I’ll bring the refreshments next time! |
|
Sharon opened the meeting by reviewing the last year’s discussion regarding the proper spelling of the word ‘Chanukah’- whether with a C or an H and if there are double k’s. She announced it was decided that it makes no difference how you spell the name of the holiday as long as it brings people together to celebrate!
Then she continued: “Today’s topic, presented by The Mensch on a Bench,” is
Then she continued: “Today’s topic, presented by The Mensch on a Bench,” is
“Why should Jewish kids
get a present every night of Chanukah?”
And so, Moshe began:
Thank you for this opportunity. We all know non-Jewish kids get lots of gifts this time of year. So, it’s only natural that Jewish families are thinking: ‘Let’s keep our kids happy – we’ve got eight nights, give them eight gifts!’
Even though the group looked at him suspiciously, he continued:
I think that Hanukah presents should be a HOLIDAY REWARD FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR, and I’ll tell you why. Lately, instead of sitting in houses, this Mensch on a Bench ventured out. That’s how I’ve realized people just aren’t behaving.
- I sat on a BENCH in the park. There big kids were pushing little ones out of their way on the slide. The adults just stood around talking.
- On the BENCH at the bus stop, parents who came to pick up their kids shouted at the bus driver because he didn’t always stop close enough to the curb.
- And from the BENCH at the baseball game…? Oy! Parents and coaches kept yelling at each other. The kids started yelling, too
He paused and smiled at me:
So, here’s what I propose:
EVERY night, after the Hanukah candles are lit, parents say:
Now that the candles are shining bright,
let’s each have a turn telling of a time when he or she
was considerate and did something nice for others.’
“ACT LIKE A MENSCH – you get a gift!”
EVERY night, after the Hanukah candles are lit, parents say:
Now that the candles are shining bright,
let’s each have a turn telling of a time when he or she
was considerate and did something nice for others.’
“ACT LIKE A MENSCH – you get a gift!”
Then he sat down.
At first everyone was quiet. Then David Driedel started spinning. That was amazing, he said. I completely agree with The Mensch. Even Hannah was impressed. So sensible! she said. Thank YOU, Moshe
| A vote was called. All agreed to include the suggestion on the candle boxes next year! Sharon Shamis banged the gavel to end the gathering. I was glad I had come. It was an honor to meet the BIG FOUR, and so I’m happily spreading Moshe’s message: |  |
BE A MENSCH –
teach it, live it, insist on it –
especially at Chanukah
| I do have to admit one thing, though… I was a little disappointed Leo didn’t get to serve latkes – Apple Sauce, please. |  |
HAPPY CHANUKAH!
Loretta
*Mensch: (Yiddish) a person of integrity and dignity, with a sense of what is right and responsible.
*Mensch: (Yiddish) a person of integrity and dignity, with a sense of what is right and responsible.
You’re surrounded by it. All the stores are full of Holiday Cheer, and Sirius Radio has had a “Holiday Songs” station since just after Halloween. Now, they are almost here – THE HOLIDAYS.
#holidays #lifestrategies #positivity
#holidays #lifestrategies #positivity
Start Now and Be "Positively Fabulous!
While to some this may mean hugs and giggles, to others it can shout “Stress Alert! Stress Alert!”Whatever the message coming your way, a little MENTAL PREPARATION will help you be ready to enjoy and greet your family and friends with enthusiasm.
Here are three simple and helpful hints to make the season “Positively Fabulous!,” one of happy memories and family togetherness.
Here are three simple and helpful hints to make the season “Positively Fabulous!,” one of happy memories and family togetherness.
1. Remember that you are in Charge of Your Thoughts.
Yep, that’s YOU – with a choice. Listen to yourself and analyze your thoughts. If you’ve just come back from a trip, what is the first thing you talk about – the bad weather or the wonderful food? The annoying airports or the beautiful scenery? Just the order in which you mention things tells you something about yourself.
Try to rethink what you talk about. Spend more time on the good times you had; talk about something that made you laugh. In fact, try not mentioning the ‘annoying’ things that happened. I bet you’ll forget about them!
Try to rethink what you talk about. Spend more time on the good times you had; talk about something that made you laugh. In fact, try not mentioning the ‘annoying’ things that happened. I bet you’ll forget about them!
2. Surround Yourself with Positive People
Now, if you find yourself stuck out on the porch with Aunt Sally, who is telling you how her arthritis stops her from having fun, try getting her to tell you something positive. Ask her about her dog. Explore what books she likes to read. Get her to talk about wonderful Thanksgivings she remembers over the years. If Aunt Sally is too negative, go get her a mimosa, drop it off, and excuse yourself to the bathroom!
3. Be Nice to Yourself
Do the things you like to do. Enjoy a massage? Want time to read? Love playing with the kids? Make time to do it. Make a holiday schedule that includes things that YOU like to do. When you are happy and relaxed, it will make you much more fun to be around and tolerant of others.
I’ve stopped at three so you can now go and practice. Make time to do it and write and tell me how it all went!
Remember: "'Tis the season to be jolly!"
Happy Holidays!!
Happy Holidays!!
~Loretta
Well, I knew it was bound to happen. The combined stress caused by the perfect storm of Halloween and COVID -19 together has brought a lot of requests for my services as a Life/Retirement/Transition Coach. This time, I immediately thought the answer was group coaching.
Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note.
Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them:
Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note.
Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them:
Wanda, the Witch
Cornelia, the Candy Corn
Casper, the Friendly Ghost
Terry, the Tarantula
Peter, the Pumpkin
Cornelia, the Candy Corn
Casper, the Friendly Ghost
Terry, the Tarantula
Peter, the Pumpkin
I asked each in turn “What is going on?” and here are their answers:
 | Wanda: “It’s becoming more and more common. You’ve seen it, and you’ve probably even laughed at it. Well, last week it happened to me.” |
SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree
I gave her a questioning look.
“I was on my broom and one of my earbuds fell out. I had to look down to retrieve it - and SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree. I heard people laughing! Why didn’t my radar warn me about the tree? Am I getting too old? Should I retire?”
Cornelia: She spoke softly and made eye contact with each member of the group.
“Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.”
She teared up.
“Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.”
She teared up.
Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire - right?
“At least I WAS easy to eat. I’m the most fun to eat by the handful! And, I mean, really, with COVID-19 people don’t want to eat anything by the handful!”
She started to sob.
“I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?”
She started to sob.
“I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?”
Casper was next.
Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'"
He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.
Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'"
He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.
“That’s right; I’m a non-conformist. I’d rather make friends than scare people. I know I’m different from the rest of the haunt team, but it is who I am. I like people; I’ve made friends before. I don’t like scaring them.”
Wanda started to snicker.
“Whoever heard of a friendly ghost?” she muttered. I had to shhh! her.
“And now there is COVID-19,” Casper continued. “People can’t even be with their regular friends, so you can bet no one wants to talk to a friendly ghost! What should I do? I have a lot of years ahead of me!”
Then it was Terry’s turn.
Terry: “Ha – you think you guys have issues? You think you don’t know what to do ‘next’? When I was a little tiny tarantula, my Mama told me I was cute. Then I left the nest, and it all ended.”
He looked around, daring people to challenge him.
He looked around, daring people to challenge him.
“I remember the first time I became aware of Halloween! Look around, guys! Do you notice how many phony spiders people put out – on the lawn/on the bushes/crawling up the front of the house! THEY ARE ALL TARANTULAS! What do you think this does to my self-image?”
Everyone got quiet.
“I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?”
Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered.
I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.”
Everyone got quiet.
“I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?”
Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered.
I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.”
"Let's face it, the pumpkin is the
symbol for both Fall and Halloween"
Peter: “Well, in comparison, maybe my problem is not so bad. I mean, let’s face it, the pumpkin is the symbol for both Fall and Halloween."
“I know, I’ve been pretty lucky over the years - always the one up front – inside and outside – enjoying the popularity and fun.
His voice softened.
“But then, enter plastic and inflatables. Enter strange colors and shapes. How can I keep up with those inexpensive, use year-to-year decorations? Even on the flavor side – so many cheaper, easy-to-use imitations! In chips/pancake mix/coffee – even donuts!
People are pumpkin crazy, but they are not using the real thing!”
He looked up at me and sighed.
“And now COVID-19. There used to be pumpkin carving parties. Now no one is gathering groups together to sit close and carve. I may be able to hold out for a few more years, but I need a plan, a new direction. Should I retire?”
I let the air settle for a few minutes. Group sessions are not easy. A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.
I decided there was only one answer and it applied to the whole group.
“I think,” (I said carefully)
“The answer for all of you is the same:
1. Decide what you really want.
2. Think of ways to reidentify yourself.
3. Find a new path to reach your goal. "
“The answer for all of you is the same:
1. Decide what you really want.
2. Think of ways to reidentify yourself.
3. Find a new path to reach your goal. "
Ask yourself important questions like:
Wanda – How much of who you are is your broom?
Cornelia – In what other ways can the world use candy corn?
Casper & Terry – Especially during this time of COVID-19, it’s best you stay under the radar. What if you two got together and taught a class about ghosts and spiders on Zoom?
Peter – With a legacy like yours, why not share your life story with the rest of the world? Who do you know that can help with the writing?
Cornelia – In what other ways can the world use candy corn?
Casper & Terry – Especially during this time of COVID-19, it’s best you stay under the radar. What if you two got together and taught a class about ghosts and spiders on Zoom?
Peter – With a legacy like yours, why not share your life story with the rest of the world? Who do you know that can help with the writing?
A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.
Before I left the room, I looked around and smiled. “Of course, If you want to talk more about planning for the days and years ahead, give me a call!”
As the door shut, I heard Casper shout:
“That was amazing! Ok, everybody, MASKS ON – Let’s have a Group Hug!”
~ HAPPY HALLOWEEN ~
-Loretta
Remember your New Year’s Resolutions for 2021? (You did make some, right?) Remember how sincere and optimistic you tried to be?
Let’s take a moment to check how we did with last year’s promises. I’ve just checked mine, and here’s my review:
Let’s take a moment to check how we did with last year’s promises. I’ve just checked mine, and here’s my review:
10 RESOLUTIONS I MADE FOR 2021
AND WHETHER I KEPT THEM OR NOT
AND WHETHER I KEPT THEM OR NOT
| 1. No. 2. Nope. 3. Certainly not! 4. No way! 5. Uh, Negative. | 6. Zero... 7. Whoops! 8. Nah! 9. Not at all. 10. Maybe next year...? |
Why, you may ask, were those 10 very well-thought-out and important resolutions not kept? Well, it’s because of …uh..,. because… um...., Actually, I'm not sure. What about you? Are you a good ‘resolution keeper'?
I can remember other years and other resolutions that started out strong (i.e., that Fasting Diet) and then slowly faded away. I soon realized this is a common problem, and we could all use a little help standing strong to our promises for the new year.
So, I’m glad to tell you that help has arrived! I’ve decided that one of the major problems is THE WORD ITSELF!
I can remember other years and other resolutions that started out strong (i.e., that Fasting Diet) and then slowly faded away. I soon realized this is a common problem, and we could all use a little help standing strong to our promises for the new year.
So, I’m glad to tell you that help has arrived! I’ve decided that one of the major problems is THE WORD ITSELF!
“Resolutions” are usually vague and offer very little motivation –
- I’m going to lose weight;
- I will do better with money;
- I can learn a language!
After all, goals are specific; goals have a timeline and require immediate action. So, my suggestion to all is that this year we all make – New Year’s GOALS!
I can hear you now. “How is just calling it something else going to help me stick to my ‘goals.’ Thanks for asking. My suggestion also just happens to include a method!
Meet SMART goals. See, already the word is making you sit up tall and feel clever. SMART goals were developed by three men, George Doran, Arthur Miller and James Cunningham in their 1981 article “There’s a S.M.A.R.T. way to write management goals and objectives.”
That’s right – SMART goals refers to the acronym that was developed by businesspeople to help management set their goals and objectives. But, when I think about it, S.M.A.R.T. is a smart way for all of us to find focus and motivation.
That’s right – SMART goals refers to the acronym that was developed by businesspeople to help management set their goals and objectives. But, when I think about it, S.M.A.R.T. is a smart way for all of us to find focus and motivation.
Here is what the letters mean:
S – SPECIFIC
M – MEASURABLE
A – ACHIEVABLE
R – REALISTIC
T – TIMELY
Think about it (that’s the smart part, too). Being Specific, Achievable and Realistic are just sensible and already get you halfway there. For the Measurable part – keep a journal to track your progress along the way! And certainly, one of the most important considerations is Timely. Choose a date by which you feel you can accomplish the challenge. Then, get started!
For Example,
- “Going to lose weight” becomes ‘Lose 5 lbs in 6 weeks with the Weight Watchers Diet.”
- “Do better with money” becomes “Call the bank and ask to work with a financial advisor for two months to help manage my funds.”
- “Learn a language,” becomes “Sign up for Babbel or Duolingo by January 10th to start taking free lessons to learn Italian.”
There you have it. Don’t those sound more Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic and Timely? This year, turn your ‘Resolutions’ into GOALS and enjoy being called a 'smart-y' pants!
Happy New Year!
~ Loretta
Happy New Year!
~ Loretta
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
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