 My husband’s a mathematician – isn’t that scary! Sometimes people ask me what we talk about. Sometimes I’ll tell them that he whispers seductive equations in my ear – like “just think about the square root of eight hundred and twelve….” But most often he tells me - and most people - that “mathematics is everywhere.” I certainly found it in a recent article on Retirement that I came across in Forbes Magazine. The author, Joseph Coughlin, a well-known researcher, teacher, and head of the MIT Age Lab, talked about “The New Math of Retirement Togetherness.” It went something like this: There are 164 hours in a week. During that time, approximately 8 hours a day are spent sleeping, leaving 112 waking hours in a week for each of us. [No, this is not an SAT Math question.]Now, if a typical workday is, say, 9 hours - that makes it minus 45 hours a week away from your partner. This brings it to 67 hours of together time. Then he continues his calculation by allowing an hour a day for travel, (subtracting 5 for the workdays) and brought the discussion to 62 hours of ‘togetherness’ in a week. At this point Coughlin went on to narrow things down stating that life routines of home/child/personal responsibilities, etc., result in the fact that the reality is that a typical working couple may often spend only six (6) hours a day together! Quite a surprise when we do the math, right? (see box below)  But that’s not quite the end of the math. Professor Coughlin then went on to compare this number to the number of hours couples spend together in RETIREMENT. This means: the original 45 hours a week of work that were subtracted are now added back. Oh, and so are the 5 allowed for travel. So, let’s see, that’s now 45 + 5 = 50 divided by 5 = AN EXTRA 10 WAKING HOURS A DAY FOR A RETIRED COUPLE TO SPEND TOGETHER! Is that paradise? What will you do with that newly awarded together time? Suppose you already have a schedule and your partner questions your comings and goings, how will you react? These are situations that you and your significant other must consider as retirement comes closer. What if your list of ‘things to do’ doesn’t match that of your partner’s? In fact, do you really want everything on your list to match that of your partner?  Just think about how smart and happy you (and your partner) will feel in retirement when you have already worked on these challenges! Everyone has different needs and activities that give them purpose and make them feel fulfilled. There will be things that you do together, but there must also be those separate activities that bring you joy. I ran into a neighbor and his wife recently. He is an executive who is looking forward to leaving the deadlines and fundraising behind. I asked him how he plans to spend his time, and his wife immediately answered, “He’s going to paint the family room, clean out the garden, and join the choir so we can sing together on Sundays!” I looked at him and he rolled his eyes and said, “Do I have a choice?” The answer is “Yes, you do have a choice.” Discuss it now so you both can enjoy the added time together later.
Good Luck,
Loretta [email protected] P.S. Last night, before he turned out the light, my husband whispered: ‘A’ squared plus ‘B’ squared = ‘C’ squared!
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 Sometimes all that’s needed is a little information, right? So, here’s some!DID YOU KNOW THAT...1. RETIREMENT is in the Top Ten on the list of Life’s 43 Most Stressful Life Events (it’s #10!) And that’s what I mean. Some people might find the transition easy, but many retirees are truly stressed at the challenge of creating a new identity and purpose. 2. If your work defines ‘who you are’ rather than ‘what you do,’ it may be more difficult to transition away from it.  How will you introduce yourself when you retire? Please don’t be a ‘used to be!’ Thinking about who you are NOW and what you want will help you create the things you will be retiring TO. 3. If your social connections are mostly related to your workplace, it may be a lot harder to replace them. Bob in HR and Emily in IT will not be available for lunch when you leave your job. Finding new friends and interests before you retire will help you create a new community of people whom you like and who enjoy the same things you do! And, by the way, a Harvard Grant Study has shown that not only did having a strong social connection in retirement help people outlive those who didn’t, but also aided in delaying the onset of Alzheimer’s and dementia! 4. Sitting at a desk most of the day can cause complicated physical conditions that can interfere with your planned retirement activities.
5. Believing that “the best is yet to come” is more than a Mary Sunshine outlook. It helps foster fresh ideas and possibilities. Having a positive mental outlook not only helps you deal with change and gives you more energy for new opportunities and accomplishments, but it will also make you more resilient for handling the other ‘stuff’ that comes your way. 6. People who don’t spend any time volunteering before they retire don’t know where to look for appropriate opportunities and get stuck in roles they don’t like.  If volunteering is high on your “Things I’ll Do When I Retire” list, get started early thinking about organizations you want to help. Make some inquiries and think about what you bring to the table. When you tell them what you would like to do, you won’t get stuck making phone calls or reorganizing files (unless, of course, you like that!). AND BY THE WAY… one more7. People are 42% more likely to achieve a goal when it is WRITTEN DOWN! Whether it’s a trip to Machu Picchu or creating an online creative cooking club, having a WRITTEN detailed plan for how to achieve your goals is very important. You’ve probably already done it on the financial side. Now do the same for all those non-financial issues Research has shown that when goals are written down, it reminds you of what they are and what you need to do to achieve them! Then put the list in a place where you can easily find it and check your progress. ~Loretta
(Paul Simon Had the Right Idea!) Are you struggling with the very idea of retiring? I often have people asking me questions like, ‘Should I?’ ‘When is the right time?’ and ‘How do I handle it?’ My best answer agrees with the transition advice given long ago by folksinger Paul Simon: “JUST MAKE A PLAN, STAN!”Ok, so maybe your name is not Stan, and maybe you don’t even love your job - just the paycheck. The advice regarding facing a transition is still strong. Retirement means the end of something – the end of having structure to your day, the end of the identity on your business card, and the end of that reason for getting up in the morning.  The answer to “How do I handle it?” is simple. As with all transitions, making a written PLAN will help you ask yourself, “Who am I now?” and “What do I really want?” (Of course, you can still do this if you have already retired and are questioning what to do.) It’s common sense – think about how very different you are now from that person who was just getting started in the working world. And, by the way, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE COY, ROY.Oh, that’s right, your name is not Roy. But…, being coy – shy or timid – will not help you figure out your next move. You need to be honest with yourself, and PLANNING is what will help you focus and stay on the track of not what you are leaving from, but what you are going to. When you become your own GPS, you will feel much more confident, knowing when and where to spend your time. You’ll do things like committing to your fitness routine and researching some of those ideas and activities that have caught your attention. So, DON’T SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK (Geesh, too many guy names! I’ll have to do something about that.) With your PLAN in place, you’ll be up front with everyone, having answers for the ‘What are you going to do when you retire” question that co-workers always ask. In addition, knowing how you envision your retirement years will help avoid uncomfortable discussions later. Your partner and/or adult kids will hear and respect your thoughts and needs. (Like No, I’m not taking over all the babysitting responsibilities or Ok, I’ll try pickleball but just remember my guitar lessons are Tuesday at 11:00!) Now, make sure you DON’T SIT STILL, JILL! (You’re welcome, Ladies!) If you need a little help for how to get to know yourself better and what makes you feel satisfied and happy, check out https://www.startofhappiness.com/wheel-of-life-a-self-assessment-tool/ . It’s a great tool for your goal setting and self-awareness. Like leaving a lover, leaving full-time work requires planning. There may be more than 50 ways to do it, and with a little effort you will find yours. Then, at your retirement party you can JUST EAT YOUR CAKE, JAKE & JILLAnd really feel free!  Good luck... whatever your name is! Loretta [email protected] P.S. By the way, remember that the written plan for retirement can easily be changed if you have some new ideas. Your GPS will just recalculate! ~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
It was an announcement that the casting website was still open for the new show, THE GOLDEN BACHELOR! (Author’s note: Sorry, but by the time you read this all slots will have been filled.) I’m guessing you are familiar with the success of the two previous shows, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Well, this version’s contestants are all over 60, and the handsome bachelor making his choice stands by the tagline “It’s never too late to fall in love…, again!”  Instead of hearing older people referred to as a has been, a curmudgeon, cranky, elderly, and an old geezer, what a pleasure it is to hear this new description as “a lifetime of experience, including love, loss and laughter, and still hoping for a spark that ignites a future full of endless possibilities!” Maybe you don’t want to publicly be the next GOLDEN BACHELOR or BACHELORETTE, but I’m sure you want the life ahead to be full of connection, meaningful relationships, and the possibility of falling in love … again! You want that spark that can re-ignite those endless possibilities!(By the way, this applies to current relationships as well as those that may occur in the future. Have you been married 30+ years and are feeling your partnership needs a boost? Maybe you are single and have realized that for years you put work first and took those around you for granted. You want to change. You want that spark that can re-ignite those endless possibilities!) Did I just hear you say, “But how do I do that?” Well, you don’t have to wear red stilettos and a low-cut dress, nor do you require sporting a gold tailored suit and pink shirt by Armani (although sometimes a wardrobe makeover could be a great idea). What you really need is a good look at who you are now. What do you have to offer? Gerry (that’s the guy in the ad) hosts barbecues, plays pickleball, dotes on his grandkids and likes exploring new places with friends. You don’t have to do all that, but how about asking yourself if you are interesting, kind, and fun to be with? Whether you think you already are or if you need a refresher course in being interesting, kind, and fun to be with, here’s what I suggest – especially during retirement: Step One*: Focus on being a positive and optimistic person.If you consider yourself negative, stop it. Yes, you can retrain your brain, so make it a priority in your life because: 1. Research has shown that 50% of your personality is predetermined, 10% is random, and 40% is your intentional activity. That means you are in control! 2. You can direct this intentional activity to surrounding yourself with positive people. Recognize the people in your life that bring you down and become unavailable to them. If some are family, make a point of consciously avoiding large amounts of time together. 3. I’m giving you five things to do daily for 30 days that will help you train yourself to Make Happy a Habit!
Start practicing your Make Happy a Habit assignment now and enjoy noticing the effect you will have on others. Stick with it because it takes 30 days to make a habit. Yes, it works. If you need some help discovering the road to your own happiness, contact me and we can talk. Loretta [email protected] *By the way, Steps Two, Three, and Four are "Repeat Step One." ~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
Here’s the quote most often heard from people discussing plans for retirement: "One of the main things I plan to do when I retire is TRAVEL." If you have followed me long enough or simply know me well, you are familiar with the four areas of non-financial retirement I discuss, preach, talk about, and emphasize that are necessary to prepare for retirement: mental, physical, social, and spiritual. Today I’m writing this column while traveling abroad, and I dedicate it to all of you who are saying, "One of the main things I plan to do |
| (This scene is real, from Como, Italy, 2023.) |  |
(This really happened to me.) Seven minutes later, the station is in sight. But so are the three flights of steps to get to the station! If you are in shape, this Sisyphusian* challenge for you and your new four-wheeled friend that now includes several treasured souvenirs might just be manageable. Make sure you are physically fit!
Those are four very good reasons that I always ask you about physical fitness as you prepare for retirement. Travel is exciting, educational, interesting, and fun. It may be harder today, but when you are physically fit, you will be better prepared to handle ‘stuff’ that can happen. I wish everyone a fun summer full of friends, family, adventure and very few travel challenges.
BON VOYAGE!
Loretta
*In Greek mythology Zeus punished Sisyphus by forcing him to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity.
P.S. I’d love to hear your travel stories and how glad you were to have physically prepared for the challenges and the fun.
Tell me: [email protected]
*In Greek mythology Zeus punished Sisyphus by forcing him to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity.
P.S. I’d love to hear your travel stories and how glad you were to have physically prepared for the challenges and the fun.
Tell me: [email protected]
~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
I’ve always said that in life one thing we can surely count on is change. Sometimes we can plan for it and sometimes it is thrust upon us. Sometimes we’ve grown older and wiser, and sometimes we’ve simply become bored. Consider:
RELATIONSHIPS, COLLEGE, MARRIAGE, PARENTING, EMPTY NESTERS, CHANGING JOBS, RETIREMENT!
When facing a change, we often say, “Well, it’s a transition. Change offers challenges, adventure, and an opportunity to grow.” All that is true, but the words ‘change’ and ‘transition’ have two different meanings. Here’s the difference:
- Change refers to the need to move away from the way things used to be to the way they are now.
- Transition is the psychological process we go through to adapt to the change.
To quote the author William Bridges, “Without transition, change is just a rearrangement of the furniture.”
Think about that for a moment. Now, think about how it relates to Retirement. Transition requires a psychological process to have a successful change.
There are three stages to TRANSITION:
Stage 1: Accepting the Ending – Long Goodbye
Ok, so you have left work. You must accept the fact that your days will be different. You will no longer have the structure, calendar and organization you had before. Where you spend your day, and who you will be with will change.
Ok, so you have left work. You must accept the fact that your days will be different. You will no longer have the structure, calendar and organization you had before. Where you spend your day, and who you will be with will change.
Stage 2: Living in the Neutral Zone – Messy Middle
Yes, you read that correctly. Accepting a Messy Middle is an important mindset to
have. Realizing that things really are different and that it will take time to figure out what you really want and how you will find your purpose to feel satisfied can be a bit uncomfortable (and messy) in the short term.
Yes, you read that correctly. Accepting a Messy Middle is an important mindset to
have. Realizing that things really are different and that it will take time to figure out what you really want and how you will find your purpose to feel satisfied can be a bit uncomfortable (and messy) in the short term.
Stage 3: Reaching Your New Beginning
Take a victory lap! You have figured it out, so find comfort in this new beginning. You also can relax because you realize that you can tweak it along the way as you experience the many new adventures you have been curious about.
Take a victory lap! You have figured it out, so find comfort in this new beginning. You also can relax because you realize that you can tweak it along the way as you experience the many new adventures you have been curious about.
Those are the facts. If you jump from Stage 1 directly to Stage 3, you may find yourself very unhappy. Spend some time in Stage 2 (the Messy Middle) so you can really enjoy that victory lap!
I leave you with the words of Dr. Seuss:
Let me know if you need a little help.
Loretta
Loretta
~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
1. GUESS WHAT Number ... "Retirement" is on the list of 'Life's 43 most stressful life events'.
It’s #10! And that’s why I say we need to talk about your plans. Some people might find the transition easy, but many retirees are truly stressed at the challenge of creating a new identity and purpose.
2. GUESS WHAT … it might mean if your work defines “who you are” rather than “what you do.”
It will make leaving your workplace more difficult. Think about how you will introduce yourself when you retire, and please don’t say ‘I used to be!’ Thinking about who you are NOW and what you want NOW will help you create the things you will be retiring TO.
3. GUESS WHAT … will happen if your social connections are mostly related to your workplace.
It will probably be a lot harder to replace those connections. Finding new friends and interests before you leave your job will create a ready community of people you like to spend time with when you do retire.
By the way, a Harvard Grant Study has shown that having a strong social connection in retirement not only helps people outlive those who don’t but also aids in delaying the onset of Alzheimer’s and dementia.
By the way, a Harvard Grant Study has shown that having a strong social connection in retirement not only helps people outlive those who don’t but also aids in delaying the onset of Alzheimer’s and dementia.
4. GUESS WHAT … sitting at a desk most of the day can cause.
Complicated physical issues that can interfere with your retirement plans. Get up and get moving! Those grandkids want to play hide and seek. Your condo wants you to be on the pickleball team, and the dog just brought you his leash asking for a long walk. You don’t want to miss out on any of that – do you?
5. GUESS WHAT … believing that “the best is yet to come” can encourage.
Fresh ideas and possibilities! Having a positive mental outlook is not just being a cockeyed optimist. It helps you deal with change as well as giving you more energy for new opportunities and accomplishments. It also makes you more resilient so you can more easily handle the other ‘stuff’ that comes your way.
6. GUESS WHAT happens … when volunteering is what you want to do in retirement, but you don’t spend any time looking into it beforehand.
You will probably waste time searching for appropriate opportunities and get stuck in roles you don’t like. Start early thinking about organizations you want to help and make some inquiries.
Think about what you would like to do for an organization, so you don’t get stuck making phone calls or stuffing envelopes (unless, of course, you like that!).
Think about what you would like to do for an organization, so you don’t get stuck making phone calls or stuffing envelopes (unless, of course, you like that!).
AND BY THE WAY… one more
7. GUESS WHAT happens … when you WRITE DOWN goals you want to achieve.
Whether it’s a trip to Machu Picchu or creating an online creative cooking club, you will be more likely to achieve your goal if it is WRITTEN DOWN. (You’ve probably already done it on the financial side. Now do the same for all those non-financial issues!)
Research has shown that when goals are written down, it reminds us of what they are and what we need to do to achieve them. Just make sure you put the list in a place where you can easily find it.
Research has shown that when goals are written down, it reminds us of what they are and what we need to do to achieve them. Just make sure you put the list in a place where you can easily find it.
No more guessing. Having a little extra information makes you smarter. Now you have it, so get started!
Loretta
Loretta
~Also seen in the monthly Let's Talk Retirement! column in the Jewish Observer~
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
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