I recently worked with an executive who was thinking about retirement. In one of our initial sessions, I asked him about his hobbies. “HOBBIES? HOBBIES? |
Edward H. Friedman Retired Vanderbilt University Professor & Osher Life Long Learning Program teacher edward.h.friedman@vanderbilt.edu Olli (Osher Lifelong Learing Institute) |
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Lately, I've gotten a lot of requests for my services as a Life/Retirement/Transition Coach. This time, I immediately thought the answer was group coaching.
Normally, I don’t share information about clients, but in order to help you understand that we need to reach out and help each other, I have obtained releases from anyone involved in this note.
Last week I held a group session with five attendees. Each had their own issues, and each was truly concerned. I’m sure you will recognize them:
Cornelia, the Candy Corn
Casper, the Friendly Ghost
Terry, the Tarantula
Peter, the Pumpkin
SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree
“I was on my broom and one of my earbuds fell out. I had to look down to retrieve it - and SLAM! There I was, face flat into the tree. I heard people laughing! Why didn’t my radar warn me about the tree? Am I getting too old? Should I retire?”
Cornelia: She spoke softly and made eye contact with each member of the group.
“Look, as early as the 1880s I became popular. My three colorful layers are attractive, and I’m small and easy to eat.”
She teared up.
Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire - right
She started to sob.
“I’m fat free and keep in the refrigerator for up to 9 months, but nobody really wants me now... Ok, Ok, I guess I should just retire – right?”
Casper was next.
Casper: "Yeah, it’s not rocket science. You all know me – you know me by my full name, ‘Casper the Friendly Ghost.'"
He started to smile a little, and then the smile faded.
Wanda started to snicker.
“Whoever heard of a friendly ghost?” she muttered. I had to shhh! her.
“And now there is COVID-19,” Casper continued. “People can’t even be with their regular friends, so you can bet no one wants to talk to a friendly ghost! What should I do? I have a lot of years ahead of me!”
Then it was Terry’s turn.
Terry: “Ha – you think you guys have issues? You think you don’t know what to do ‘next’? When I was a little tiny tarantula, my Mama told me I was cute. Then I left the nest, and it all ended.”
He looked around, daring people to challenge him.
He looked around, daring people to challenge him.
Everyone got quiet.
“I know, I crawl; I have long hairy legs, and I have eight eyes. But I’m harmless to people! If I bite, it’s no worse than a bee sting – okay? Look it up! So, what’s a young guy like me to do with a reputation like that?”
Wanda started muttering again. “Maybe you remind people of the COVID virus,” she whispered.
I talked over her. “Ok, Peter, it’s your turn.”
"Let's face it, the pumpkin is the
symbol for both Fall and Halloween"
His voice softened.
“But then, enter plastic and inflatables. Enter strange colors and shapes. How can I keep up with those inexpensive, use year-to-year decorations? Even on the flavor side – so many cheaper, easy-to-use imitations! In chips/pancake mix/coffee – even donuts!
People are pumpkin crazy, but they are not using the real thing!”
He looked up at me and sighed.
“And now COVID-19. There used to be pumpkin carving parties. Now no one is gathering groups together to sit close and carve. I may be able to hold out for a few more years, but I need a plan, a new direction. Should I retire?”
I let the air settle for a few minutes. Group sessions are not easy. A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.
I decided there was only one answer and it applied to the whole group.
“The answer for all of you is the same:
1. Decide what you really want.
2. Think of ways to reidentify yourself.
3. Find a new path to reach your goal. "
Cornelia – In what other ways can the world use candy corn?
Casper & Terry – Especially during this time of COVID-19, it’s best you stay under the radar. What if you two got together and taught a class about ghosts and spiders on Zoom?
Peter – With a legacy like yours, why not share your life story with the rest of the world? Who do you know that can help with the writing?
A person (or a pumpkin) can listen and feel their issue is not so bad, or the participant can take on everyone’s problems and go away feeling worse.
As the door shut, I heard Casper shout:
“That was amazing! Ok, everybody, MASKS ON – Let’s have a Group Hug!”
*Warning*
This blog may offend you. In it I speak to you straight,
no beating around the bush.
That said, here is my second secret:
Learn How To Use Technology!
... of both the virtual world and increasingly many IRL "in real life" events as well. I'm talking about activities such as booking and confirming appointments and events with friends, doctors, restaurants / listening to music and watching TV and movies / communicating with the world outside your home.
There, I’ve said it. So put on your big boy/girl pants and get ready to learn.
Let's Start By Asking the Right Questions
Who can teach? The first people I recommend for you to turn to is your family -
- Significant Other
- Kids/Grandkids
- Aunts
- Uncles
- Cousins
- Results of ancestry.com
If those come up empty, try friends and neighbors or a volunteer organization. You may have to pay some of these people but trust me, it will be worth it. Maybe you can barter - bake/consult/garden, or offer a skill in which you excel.
The point is don’t be shy or try to overthink it. Just do it.
- The basics of the computer hardware – keyboard/screen/mouse/video camera or touchpad/power, printer, etc.
- Then, basic usage of those devices: accessing and searching the internet/reading and writing emails/ joining a Zoom meeting / accessing news or entertainment, etc.
- I am assuming you already have some sort of phone to stay in touch. Ask for lessons on how to use it beyond dialing a number, including text and instant messaging. That is how much of the world communicates now.
I don't even need or want a device.
If you are the one doing the teaching, here is a great guide to help teach tech to seniors.
Yes,I do understand that things like passwords and email addresses and saving documents and pictures can be frustrating and challenging, but getting comfortable with these technologies will lessen frustration and open a new world for you and a way to explore your curiosity and create new goals.
Go ahead – you have a new goal now. Have fun!
You're welcome,
Loretta
Episode 3 focuses on the types of questions you should be asking when choosing a financial advisor.
About our Episode Guest
Carolyn Fleury |
“That which cannot be named,” she uttered in her best Harry Potter-esque voice. I smiled and leaned in closer and whispered, “Are you talking about ‘Retirement’?”
“Shhh!” she hissed. “Seriously, don’t use that word anymore. It conveys the wrong message!”
“What in the world do you mean?” I asked. She sighed, and I felt like she was searching for a way to say something nicely. “You, of all people, should know.”
“Look,” I said, “I know there is a lot of misinterpretation about the word ‘Retirement,’ but really, … comparing it to *Voldemort?”
Emily shook her head. “Misinterpretation? People hear the Big-R word and think the person is over the hill, incapable of anything new and fresh…, and, basically, A HAS BEEN!”
My mouth dropped open. “Ok, here’s proof!” she said as she pulled out her phone and pointed to a webpage. “Just look at the definition from the fancy Oxford English Language Dictionary!”
1. giving up work, stopping work
2. seclusion, retreat, solitude, loneliness,
isolation, privacy, obscurity
Just like a Life Coach, a Retirement Coach helps people deal with life’s transitions.
“If it was my dictionary,” I continued, “Definition #2 would be something like,
"The opportunity and time to energize lifestyle,
renew interests, and create new adventures.”
She wiped some coffee from her chin and laughed out loud. “Ok, but what about other people’s reactions? I just saw Susan, and she was complaining that her neighbors think since she is around all the time, she can watch for their deliveries!” She paused, “And her kids think she is a full-time babysitter; they assume she’s always available.”
Today, more than 50% of retirees are working
part-time and others are volunteering or
busy learning something new.
Today, more than 50% of retirees are working part-time and others are volunteering or busy learning something new. It does not have to be solitude and loneliness!
“So,” Emily said. “What now? It’s obvious we need to do something about that word!” I smiled. “Well, you’re right and people have made lots of suggestions. But the Big-R word has been around a long time. Instead, I say we keep the word ‘Retirement’ and just add a tag line:
Loretta
*Voldemort, also known as 'The Dark Lord' in the Harry Potter series, was so evil that even his name was not to be spoken.
*Oxford Languages is the world’s leading dictionary publisher, with over 150 years of experience creating and delivering authoritative dictionaries globally in more than 50 languages.
Welcome back! On this episode, we are going to discuss retirement and franchise ownership.
You’ll find that a franchise does not have to cost a lot of money. You’ll also find that meeting with Dan and discussing your ideas is free. You just may realize that owning your own business is the right choice for you!
Watch to learn more.
https://www.coachingwithloretta.com/videos.html
About Our Episode Guest
Dan Aronoff Market President, Franchise Consultant FranNet 615-307-4341 "In simplest terms I'm a franchise matchmaker. I work locally with people across Tennessee and Arkansas who want to find out if business ownership is right for them, and if so, which franchise would be the best fit. And keep in mind, my services are at no cost." |
When I remind myself of these five steps to making happy a habit, I gain personal strength and the resilience to deal with ‘stuff’ that life sends my way. That half-full glass allows me to be more creative and to realize that if I’m blocked in one direction, there are many ways to reach my personal goals. For example, this is a blog I wrote when in lockdown from Covid.
I’m pretty sure that exercise has become part of your daily routine, and I’ll even bet that your thoughts offered a brief ‘thank you’ after you took the 5-7 minutes a day to give them a rest. And that daily random act of kindness? It probably has become more of a reflex than something you have to think about.
I hope you have made happy a habit. Please share with me any stories about the challenge that you have, and please remember the words of Wayne Dyer: “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
(HINT) the answers are in the 5 steps to MAKE HAPPY A HABIT.
- What should you write down every night before you go to sleep?
- How should you greet the morning when you wake up?
- When is a good time to meditate/sit quietly for 10 minutes/walk barefoot in the grass?
- Who do you need when you decide it’s time to exercise 20 min a day?
- Where can you perform a random act of kindness?
Loretta
Welcome to my new podcast,
Resources for a Modern Retirement!
Retirement is not "One Size Fits All.” And a Modern Retirement includes planning for the next 20-30 years! Spending time involved in activities that YOU truly enjoy and that make you feel fulfilled is the key to success on the journey. But how do you find out what is out there?
I hope this podcast helps.
Enjoy!
https://www.coachingwithloretta.com/videos.html
Author
Loretta Saff, M.A., CPC, CPRC
As an active writer, both nationally and internationally, Loretta Saff's humor columns, blog, and lifestyle articles reflect an insight in dealing with situations that helps people get to their core issues and encourage confidence, trust and support.
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